As I sit here, wondering how to express all that has been happening in my life and my family’s lives in the last week, I am struck by the biggest questions we face as human beings in this life. What is our legacy? What do we want to create in our lives and how do we want our lives to touch others?
On the 29th June my father died and we held the funeral last Friday. My Dad had been a big, strong man who had never had a day off sick from work in his life. On April 9th he was at our wedding proudly giving me away to my new husband Jonathan and making the most fantastic wedding speech. Everyone commented on what a lovely man he was and the impact he had. And then, as if from nowhere in June, he was diagnosed with a severe form of leukaemia and within 3 weeks he had passed away. As I sit and write this, it still feels very unreal. That we will never see him again and that he won’t be physically part of our lives as we go about them in the future. And, at the same time, I feel his presence all around me. And, what has struck me as we as a family have been through this experience together is that there is true beauty, love and hope in it as well as the sadness and the pain.
My dad wasn’t one for pomp and ceremony. He wasn’t religious and was a pretty practical kind of guy so we tried to honour this as we planned his funeral service at the crematorium on Friday. No religion, no great wreaths of flowers, just a service to show our love for him and to celebrate his life. I had volunteered to speak on behalf of the family. I couldn’t have explained it but I just knew that it was my job to do and that I had to do it as part of my tribute to and celebration of my Dad. I wrote what I wanted to say over the week before, practiced it a few times and let my family read it so that they could add to it and make sure that it really paid the right kind of tribute to the man my Dad was. On the morning of the service, I was feeling a little nervous but also strangely calm. I knew what I needed to do and what I had to say. And, then, as we arrived, the grandchildren started to get upset which upset me and I felt my tears start to flow. For a few moments, I panicked. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t get the words out? I knew someone else could read what I had written but I also knew that only I could deliver it with the power and passion that I had created it with.
So, it came to my turn and I walked up to the microphone and stand. As I took a deep breath and the tears started to flow, I looked around the group gathered there to honour my Dad. And, I was deeply, humbly moved. People from all parts of my Dad’s life had turned out to honour this amazing man and I saw them all looking up at me and willing me on. I began shakily and with tears flowing but then something remarkable happened. As I continued to speak, I grew in confidence and felt the connection to my Dad grow. As I recounted anecdotes and stories from his life and talked about the things that made Ray Mitchell the man he was, I felt his energy flow through me, his presence become real in the room and I felt him by my side willing me on. And, as I looked around the audience, I felt the connection with what I was saying and that every word was helping each person in the room connect to their own memories of Ray Mitchell in whatever guise they had known him. It was as if I was speaking purely as a vessel for everyone in the room, not as me but connected to an energy that we were all creating and building together. As I finished, I paid tribute to my Dad’s biggest legacy, the remarkable loving family that I am part of and who have all shown exceptional courage and love for each other over the last month or so since my dad became ill. As I sat down and allowed the tears to flow once more, I felt the true power of my Dad’s legacy in life. All that he had achieved from a professional and personal basis but, more than anything else, how many lives he had touched and the love that flowed all around him. He touched so many lives and I think we only realised how many he had touched after he had gone.
At the reception after the service, we celebrated my Dad for everything he had been. I saw many members of my family there who I haven’t seen for years. And, we all said that we’d love to see each other more often and create real relationships moving forward. We’ve already all connected on Facebook and are planning a reunion next year. Many people came up to me to share their own personal stories and memories of my Dad and as they did so my memories of him became even more rounded and special as I heard people tell me things that I never knew about him. And, through the upset, there was much laughter and special memories shared. And, so much courage, especially from my mum who had been married to this remarkable man for 47 years and is finding her way without him one step at a time.
I said in my celebration of my Dad, that I have the pleasure of meeting many truly inspirational people in my life and work. I meet people every day who inspire me in how they live their lives, the choices they make and the impact they have on the people and the world around them. And, yet, how often do we miss the true impact of those closest to us? To fail to see them for how amazing and transformational they really are? When I stood up to honour my Dad, it was one of the most challenging and yet transformational things that I have ever done. And, yet, as I did it I felt the true strength of his legacy in me and the baby that I am carrying. I felt a love for my father with a purity that I had not felt before and my legacy as my father’s daughter with all that I can achieve in the world. I know with a certainty that I am absolutely my father’s daughter and that his legacy lives on not only in me but in his family, his grandchildren and all who knew and loved him. He inspired us all to the last and I know that our lives are better as a result of having had him in them.
It’s so easy to be lost in the mundane detail of life and all the busyness we create around ourselves. Take a minute today to look around you and truly see those you love for how amazing they are. And, feel the legacy you are creating in your every word and action. It’s never too soon or too late.
Lisa
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