Genergy

Who dares stand?

In the last week or so our country seems to have been gripped by a new challenge of morality - the News International scandal. Perhaps it’s seeing wayward leadership being brought down to size or the revulsion many have felt at the phone tapping not just of celebrities but of soldiers and victims such as Millie Dowler. The question that has been buzzing around me is – How can this happen in an organisation? What makes it ‘ok’ to behave in a way that only in hindsight becomes 'wrong'? And, how can individuals guard against it?

Every organisation has its culture of course and, as human beings, it’s tricky not to be influenced by the culture around us. We join a company and we notice how other people behave, what gets recognised and rewarded and who seems to be moving onwards and upwards. And, somewhere in us, consciously or unconsciously, we start to take on these behaviours and to adapt to the environment around us. All this is well and good of course, we are used to adapting to different situations and to finding out and exploring what works for us and others, it would be wrong for us to exist in our own little vacuum and to just carry on with our behaviours regardless of impact. You see this instinct even in very young children. They say something or behave in a certain way and then notice the response. If it is positive, it fires them up to do more. All well and good.

However, there is another side to all of this great adapting. What happens when there is something that is not so positive in the culture? When it is slightly aggressive, dismissive or steps over some moral or legal line? Who is the one who has the courage to challenge even when their view isn’t the norm or acceptable? The courage to say what is right and wrong? Years ago, I met someone socially who worked for a big airline. He was telling me that they were cracking down on airline crew taking home bottles of alcohol and other ‘freebies’ from the plane. Apparently, it was actually illegal for people to do this but it had just become the norm. So, at the end of a flight, everyone would take a bottle home and think nothing of it. After all, everyone did it. So, if someone new joined, they would be told that it was ok and so the behaviour and the culture continued. Apparently, when the company started to crack down and reinforce to people that this was actually theft, the people concerned were shocked. That wasn’t their intention at all. They were just doing what everyone else did, in their minds it had almost become part of their remuneration package.  It set me thinking about how much this group behaviour and group think pervades in other organisations and the dangers this causes.

So, how do we as individuals in organisations or businesses guard against this kind of dangerous norming and ‘group think’? For me, it feels like there are two things that businesses need to encourage and individuals need to do that really make the difference.

1. The courage to be a ‘champion’. When Genergy works in organisations that want a change of culture, we are often looking for what we call ‘champions’. People who are fired up about the future, new, positive way of doing things - and who are prepared to really stand at the forefront of something and give it a go, not just sit and wait for it to come from the top or for someone else to create a place of acceptable safety first. Recently I was running a big project with a large insurance company. One of the businesses within this company has a very risk averse, task driven, controlling culture. There is a new MD there who is trying to create change and has a very ‘coaching style’ of leading and managing - but the old culture still very much pervades. We have heard a lot of people say that they can’t do things differently because ‘the culture won’t let them’ or that things need to change at their boss’s level first. They are just too afraid to be the ones who put their heads above the parapet. And, within this environment, we have met some truly remarkable people. One individual really impressed me. This guy was a very technical expert. He was quiet and reflective and really didn’t make that much of an impression in the group at the beginning.

However, as the first day went on, you could see that light bulbs were going on for him and he was beginning to see a very different way that he could manage and lead his people. He left the 2 day programme really fired up and he had inspired me in the way that he had stepped out of his comfort zone and really gone for everything that we were teaching him. This particular programme had a follow up day about six weeks later where we met the delegates again and talked to them about what had changed as well as teaching them some new skills. I’d already heard some really good feedback about this guy through the grapevine. Comments like – ‘x is like a man possessed’ and ‘what did you do to him?!” where commonplace. So, in the first part of the day, we got the delegates into groups to share their successes. This guy went into a group and everyone started talking about how busy they were and the culture and how hard it was to change anything.

And, I observed… to see what would happen. 

Suddenly, this man started to speak and there was total silence as he did so. Quietly and calmly but with total passion, he told the group about everything he had changed and done since the last time they had met and the results that he had had. In the nicest possible way, he challenged them about this thing called ‘culture’ and made them see that it was really a white elephant and that they had within their power to make happen whatever they wanted to happen. As I watched, I couldn’t help but smile. Some of the other guys there were stronger, more forceful characters on the surface and usually would take up much more of the airspace but you could have heard a pin drop as they realised that there was so much more within their control and power than they were allowing themselves to see. A beautiful moment.

        2.  Retaining your own internal radar and individuality. They say that children know the difference between right and wrong very early. We have an internal sense of what feels right, regardless of what is happening or seems to be ok around us. Often it is just a nagging feeling, a feeling in the gut or a sense of unease. And, we put it to one side because the majority seems to be against it or we might look foolish or we think that it might even affect our career prospects. And, yet, it is this individuality that not only keeps a business on track but also provides the creative fuel that is so important to a business’ ongoing success.

I saw a lovely example of this on You Tube recently. It was a clip from Innocent smoothies about a man who chooses to stand rather than sit whilst everyone else sits around him. A nice metaphor I thought for those who choose to stand apart because it feels right and that it then brings in a different, challenging energy to the business. See what you think. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hga4WLqgEtE.

You don’t have to be a maverick to be true to yourself and to take a stand. It’s easy to blame the people at the top (and they do have an overall responsibility), but a business and culture is made up of lots of people just like you. You just have to be tuned into your own internal belief system, to notice those ‘niggles’ when things aren’t right and to have the courage to stand up and be counted. I don’t honestly believe that most businesses want a whole load of corporate clones working for them, and when individuals are allowed truly express who they are, it releases a sense of rightness and a creative energy that will fire up those businesses to really be great in the future.

What could be better in your business today if you just took a moment... to stand up?

Lisa x

:-) Ja

Have you ever been in a room, surrounded by people much cleverer than you? Ever been part of a group where there’s something everyone else can do much, much better than you? What impact did it have on the way you behaved? How do we feel when we know moments like that are coming? So, what if we could change it all in an instant? At 7:38 p.m. last Wednesday,  the loveliest 64 year old woman showed the world how it’s done.

It all started on 11^th March 2009. My wife and I had had a lovely meal and we were wondering what makes people really show their truest beauty.  And as we sat chatting in this bistro, we noticed the rarest of energies around us. It was lovely and so very sudden. It was a group of people, of mixed ages, mixed backgrounds, mixed colours,  standing talking. They all held a glass as they talked. And they were all doing the same thing. They were smiling.

As my partner and I sat chatting, we noticed that their smiles didn’t go away. The smiles were deeper than social smiles, they were inner smiles. In fact, simply being near these people unlocked something pure in us too. They made us smile even more than we already were. Who were these people? So we thought we’d find out. We said hello and took a moment to smile with them.

This group had planned a surprise birthday party for a friend. Their evening had gone really well. And so having said hello, Lisa and I thought we’d leave them in peace. But just as we wanted to return to our seats, I heard it. “:-) Ja!”. Was someone in the room German? I said something back in German. And then, like a sunburst, they all let me have it. Loads of them spoke German. It was like a summer shower of moment – so many responses – and all in German. The people weren’t  German, but somehow, lots of them were trying to speak it.

Out of nowhere, more heads kept popping up. It seemed like everyone was just having fun by giving it a try. And all the time, they smiled. No ego, showing off or cleverness, no interpersonal hierarchy, just loads of smiles, with us all enjoying the moment together. And as we then chatted, it became clear that this evening was a gift. And as we listened to these people, smiling, I felt their passion for life.

And it hit me. What if people's lives could have more moments like this? These people were truly beautiful – they were flowing. And we could sense that they didn’t show this side of themselves very often. So what could we do – that very night – to unlock more of this in the world?

So, smiling, I just went for it. “This might seem a bit forward, but would any of you fancy meeting up from time to time to speak a bit of German?” Two smiles stepped forward. Between the three of us, that very night, we decided to create something very different. We’d meet the following week to chat in German. Every effort to speak German would be applauded; no snobbery would be allowed; no ego; no pretentiousness; no confidence-bashing; no sarcasm;  mistakes would be welcome and if there was something we didn’t know how to say, everyone would muck in and help. Every effort would be encouraged at all times – ability simply didn’t matter.

When we met, the evening was a roaring success. There weren’t 3 of us – there were 7. Friends had found out and wanted to give it a go. With everyone initially a little nervous, we just went for it. And the more mistakes we made, the more other people joined in. And the more other people joined in, the more adventurous everyone became. Mistakes , messy grammar, pronunciation all over the place, made-up words, exaggerated accents – the more we got wrong, the more everyone joined in. Everyone was 6 years old again. Trying. Having fun. Not caring. And smiling. At all times, smiling. The smiles simply wouldn’t go away. The adventure was opening people up. And there came a moment when I found myself silently wondering what it was that this evening was doing for people inside.  In creating this flow, what was being unlocked?

But I then moved out of the area and lost touch with many of these people. But I often wondered… do any of them still meet up?

3 weeks ago, an email arrived out of the blue. One of these German evenings was planned, and would I, now living some way away, like to travel down and join them? So I did. It was being hosted by someone I didn’t know. And as I neared the address last Wednesday evening, it was in a place I didn’t know, In a street I didn’t know, with no-one I knew around outside. And it was silent. But when I knocked on the door, it flew at me.

As I was shown through to the back garden by the friendliest 8 year old boy doing his very best in German, I saw them sitting there. All 25 of them. Different ages, different colours, different backgrounds. All sitting in the sun, laughing, joking, chatting furiously, fascinated by each other. And everyone – doing their very best – to do it all in German.  There was the most nourishing friendliness, welcome, interest and connection before I even had a chance to say hello. And everywhere, smiles. I sat silently for a moment, enjoying them all. No ego, no snobbery. Just smiles and enjoyment. Sure, there were University Professors there – they’d obviously been invited. But as they sat alongside the 8 year old who was loving doing his very best to get it right and wrong, they all just smiled. And spoke whatever German they could. Then, she spoke to me.

I won’t say her name. I’d find out later that she is 64. She is a truly lovely woman. The kind who was raised another way just a few decades before us. She couldn’t stop smiling. You could sense that despite the sweetest shyness, she had so much to share, so much to try and say in German. And as she spoke, I suddenly sensed it. She just said a few German words that little bit differently. It was a kind of beautiful German that existed long ago but they don’t speak any more. And it was so subtle that on another day, I might have missed it. So I listened at the core.

She’d loved her father so very much. He was an intelligent but affectionate man. And well before the war, he’d had friends in Germany who’d been worried about the way Germany was going. He helped some of these people escape to England. And they were influential people. And this lady’s father was so impressed by their bravery, that he’d sit down every night and have fun by teaching her to speak German the way  they spoke it. This lady loved these nights. She still loves the memory of them. But after the war, her father died. she tried speaking German at school once as a way of remembering him, but the English children’s parents hated Germans, so the children beat her up. She never spoke German again. Until one day, just recently, when she overheard two friendly, happy women talking in a café, about this club they’d joined, where everyone relaxed and spoke whatever German they could manage – no matter how many mistakes they made. The lady then spoke to the two. She loved their smiles and friendliness. Then they asked her if she’d like to join them at this funny German club.

Apparently, she didn’t have to even think about it. She smiled and replied: “:-) Ja!”. And last week, she told me that this was the most connected she’d felt to her father since he’d died. She could not remember being this happy. She loved getting her German really wrong and not being the best. And she was smiling. Right at her core.

Just how much do we sit on sometimes? What are those things in our past that make us hold back? For every way in which we behave, there’s at least one reason from the past. It might be a compelling reason. But does that make it a good reason? In fact, how often do we find that our reasons for the way we choose our future behaviours aren’t, actually, all that reasonable? So many of us have days when something from our past is trying to flow, just waiting for us to unlock it. It can be tough. And even scary, but when we see the adventure, seize it, give it a try, what the hell, go for it, challenge our comforts, and do something that we never thought we’d do, it unlocks us. And unlocking ourselves suddenly makes a lot of things happen.  One of the first of these things?  We smile.

Is ditching our comfort zone worth a try?

:-) Ja.

Jonathan

A Legacy of Love

As I sit here, wondering how to express all that has been happening in my life and my family’s lives in the last week, I am struck by the biggest questions we face as human beings in this life. What is our legacy? What do we want to create in our lives and how do we want our lives to touch others?

On the 29^th June my father died and we held the funeral last Friday. My Dad had been a big, strong man who had never had a day off sick from work in his life. On April 9^th he was at our wedding proudly giving me away to my new husband Jonathan and making the most fantastic wedding speech. Everyone commented on what a lovely man he was and the impact he had. And then, as if from nowhere in June, he was diagnosed with a severe form of leukaemia and within 3 weeks he had passed away. As I sit and write this, it still feels very unreal. That we will never see him again and that he won’t be physically part of our lives as we go about them in the future. And, at the same time, I feel his presence all around me. And, what has struck me as we as a family have been through this experience together is that there is true beauty, love and hope in it as well as the sadness and the pain.

My dad wasn’t one for pomp and ceremony. He wasn’t religious and was a pretty practical kind of guy so we tried to honour this as we planned his funeral service at the crematorium on Friday. No religion, no great wreaths of flowers, just a service to show our love for him and to celebrate his life. I had volunteered to speak on behalf of the family. I couldn’t have explained it but I just knew that it was my job to do and that I had to do it as part of my tribute to and celebration of my Dad. I wrote what I wanted to say over the week before, practiced it a few times and let my family read it so that they could add to it and make sure that it really paid the right kind of tribute to the man my Dad was. On the morning of the service, I was feeling a little nervous but also strangely calm. I knew what I needed to do and what I had to say. And, then, as we arrived, the grandchildren started to get upset which upset me and I felt my tears start to flow. For a few moments, I panicked. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t get the words out? I knew someone else could read what I had written but I also knew that only I could deliver it with the power and passion that I had created it with.

So, it came to my turn and I walked up to the microphone and stand. As I took a deep breath and the tears started to flow, I looked around the group gathered there to honour my Dad. And, I was deeply, humbly moved. People from all parts of my Dad’s life had turned out to honour this amazing man and I saw them all looking up at me and willing me on. I began shakily and with tears flowing but then something remarkable happened. As I continued to speak, I grew in confidence and felt the connection to my Dad grow. As I recounted anecdotes and stories from his life and talked about the things that made Ray Mitchell the man he was, I felt his energy flow through me, his presence become real in the room and I felt him by my side willing me on. And, as I looked around the audience, I felt the connection with what I was saying and that every word was helping each person in the room connect to their own memories of Ray Mitchell in whatever guise they had known him. It was as if I was speaking purely as a vessel for everyone in the room, not as me but connected to an energy that we were all creating and building together. As I finished, I paid tribute to my Dad’s biggest legacy, the remarkable loving family that I am part of and who have all shown exceptional courage and love for each other over the last month or so since my dad became ill.  As I sat down and allowed the tears to flow once more, I felt the true power of my Dad’s legacy in life. All that he had achieved from a professional and personal basis but, more than anything else, how many lives he had touched and the love that flowed all around him. He touched so many lives and I think we only realised how many he had touched after he had gone.

At the reception after the service, we celebrated my Dad for everything he had been. I saw many members of my family there who I haven’t seen for years. And, we all said that we’d love to see each other more often and create real relationships moving forward. We’ve already all connected on Facebook and are planning a reunion next year. Many people came up to me to share their own personal stories and memories of my Dad and as they did so my memories of him became even more rounded and special as I heard people tell me things that I never knew about him. And, through the upset, there was much laughter and special memories shared. And, so much courage, especially from my mum who had been married to this remarkable man for 47 years and is finding her way without him one step at a time.

I said in my celebration of my Dad, that I have the pleasure of meeting many truly inspirational people in my life and work. I meet people every day who inspire me in how they live their lives, the choices they make and the impact they have on the people and the world around them. And, yet, how often do we miss the true impact of those closest to us? To fail to see them for how amazing and transformational they really are? When I stood up to honour my Dad, it was one of the most challenging and yet transformational things that I have ever done. And, yet, as I did it I felt the true strength of his legacy in me and the baby that I am carrying. I felt a love for my father with a purity that I had not felt before and my legacy as my father’s daughter with all that I can achieve in the world. I know with a certainty that I am absolutely my father’s daughter and that his legacy lives on not only in me but in his family, his grandchildren and all who knew and loved him. He inspired us all to the last and I know that our lives are better as a result of having had him in them.

It’s so easy to be lost in the mundane detail of life and all the busyness we create around ourselves. Take a minute today to look around you and truly see those you love for how amazing they are. And, feel the legacy you are creating in your every word and action. It’s never too soon or too late.

Lisa