How do 'wants' and 'needs' influence our lives? Human beings lead lives of fascinating invention and beauty, and our lives are a reservoir of the most beautiful moments. Sometimes, we make ourselves a bit too busy to enjoy these moments. But sometimes, moments that come out of the blue have a power that doesn’t stop resonating for the rest of our lives. Throughout each day, many of us are constantly busy deciding what we want to happen next; we identify our ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ from one moment to the next without even realising we’re doing it. Wants and needs are natural enough, but telling them apart can be tricky. So what’s the difference between a want and a need? Last Thursday morning, it took 37 minutes to find out. The answer is heaven.
Wants and needs are easily confused. And it’s true that ‘want’ and ‘need’ are expressed differently in different languages. There are many philosophies about how ‘needs’ can be unhealthy and how ‘wants’ are selfish. But living life to its full is so much more important than finding the right words to describe life, so let’s do the philosophy another time.
My wife and I found out in February that we were expecting our first baby. When we found out, we were actually still engaged and looking forward to our April wedding. We got married and as the months passed, my wife has become bigger and ever more beautiful. Our little one was due on 21st October. And we were told “with 80% probability” that our baby would be a girl.
My wife is unique. One of the things I enjoyed about her when we met was that unlike many, she quickly gets passionate about what she can do for others in the world rather than what others in the world should be doing for her. It’s beautiful. And as the years have passed, it’s become even stronger. She doesn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ from others very often. But she did dream of being a mother. I knew she’d be an incredible mother. She didn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ to be a mum. It was something stronger.
21st October came and went. No baby. Our home was made spotless for the 4th time. No baby. 25th October came. No baby. Lots of spicy curries, baths, raspberry tea, long walks etc. Just no baby. Baby was fine. Healthy, happy, right position, calm. Just not ready to come out yet. October reached its end. No baby. So last Wednesday, 2 November, I took my wife to our local hospital for our baby to be induced.
The people there were lovely and we expected to stay for a few days before our little one would be ready. I helped my wife into the bath, got her some tea, and she relaxed. And as the afternoon then evening passed, it all seemed so gentile. My partner didn’t want chemical painkillers, and we just took our time and relaxed. We’d hoped for a homebirth but were ultimately advised against it, so we took our time and just wanted the smoothest, slowest, most trauma-free possible transition to parenthood. The birthing-pool had been requested and we smiled. No chemicals, no pollutants, just a healthy little one.
But…. no baby. Lots of monitoring and ensuring all was OK. Just no baby. The clock ticked, people came and went, blinks came and went.
Suddenly, everything changed. My wife went from almost asleep to screaming in less than 10 seconds.
Everything was suddenly about need and want.
I wanted her pain to leave.
She needed my support.
I wanted her contraction to end so she could breathe ok.
She didn’t know what she needed. The contractions didn’t stop. She needed air.
I wanted to understand what she needed.
She needed to understand why these sudden contractions weren’t ending.
The screams suddenly became constant and the nurses needed to evacuate the whole maternity ward.
The mothers and mothers-to-be wanted to get out quickly.
My wife needed some comfort but didn’t want chemicals.
I needed some answers.
She needed me.
The midwives wanted my wife to lie down. She couldn’t.
They needed her to stand still. She wouldn’t.
They wanted whatever would be easiest for her. She tried. She couldn’t.
She needed the midwives.
They suddenly looked very different. 1 had turned into 3 then 5. And they needed things to happen fast.
My wife needed peace-of-mind and I wanted her to have it.
It was wanting.
We were suddenly in a different room.
My wife wanted to know what was happening.
The midwives wanted to understand too. Their faces were shouting that something was very wrong. They needed others.
Something didn’t make sense for them and they needed a doctor quickly.
My wife needed leadership.
I needed to distract her, make her look me in the eye and breathe deeply.
She needed me. But she wanted me to shut up. As long as I kept talking to her.
The gas and air needed strengthening. I wanted the doctors now stood next to the midwives to stop frowning.
I needed to understand. My wife needed to know our little one was safe.
The doctors wanted me to understand how the situation wasn’t at all how they’d thought.
They needed me and my wife to prepare ourselves.
I needed someone to explain why all the staff suddenly looked so worried.
My wife needed extremely urgent exceptional measures.
They wanted, no, needed my consent.
I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.
I wanted not to understand what the monitors were telling me. But I did understand.
My wife needed reassurance, love, support, my hand and more reassurance.
I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.
The staff needed me to know how unusual and serious things were.
I needed to distract my wife from the terror everywhere.
She needed to look into my eyes.
I needed my wife and baby to be safe.
I needed my wife to have the life of happiness she’s always wanted and truly deserved.
My love for my wife needed me to sit down.
I looked up and there were 13 staff in the room. And it all went quiet.
They suddenly needed me to stand up with my camera.
I didn’t need a second glance.
She needed no more beauty.
Our baby had arrived and my wife was safe.
I wanted to preserve the moment forever. So I did.
I watched as our little one was taken to one side and then helped to breathe.
She didn’t need it. She wanted to be.
She needed to be wrapped up in towels.
She wanted hugs and cuddles from daddy. Daddy needed to give them.
And as I held, cuddled and stared, I sang to her. A song of love from mummy and daddy we’ve sung her every day while pregnant.
After what she’d been through, she needed it.
And then I gave her to mummy.
She needed mummy’s skin. Mummy needed her.
I had everything I wanted. They were both safe. Their needs were met. So were mine.
My wife was beyond beautiful. My daughter was beyond beautiful.
And all of a sudden, this brilliant life had just started all over again. It wanted for nothing.
Ella Rae Cattell was born at 01:01 last Thursday morning. She weighed 8lb 14.5 oz. Lisa and Ella are permanent beauty. They are safe, gorgeous and simply meant to be together.
Taking a moment to choose our wants and needs changes lives. Our wants and needs have a fluid relationship. Sometimes, they love swapping places with each other without warning just to confuse us. It’s also true that on occasion, we humans are tempted to waste time chasing what isn’t really that important. But there are moments. Moments which have an energy and power that never fade. These moments provide us with a clarity. It’s clear that when we connect with the true, purest needs of others, we want for nothing. Once those who need us are safe, thriving and happy, we couldn’t want for anything else.
Jonathan (aka ‘daddy’).
Wants and needs
How do wants and needs influence our lives? Human beings lead lives of fascinating invention and beauty. Our lives are a reservoir of the most beautiful moments. Sometimes, we make ourselves a bit too busy to enjoy these moments. But sometimes, moments that come out of the blue have a power that doesn’t stop resonating for the rest of our lives. Throughout each day, many of us are constantly busy deciding what we want to happen next; we identify our ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ from one moment to the next without even realising we’re doing it. Wants and needs are natural enough, but telling them apart can be tricky. So what’s the difference between a want and a need? Last Thursday morning, it took 37 minutes to find out. The answer is heaven.
Wants and needs are easily confused. And it’s true that ‘want’ and ‘need’ are expressed differently in different languages. There are many philosophies about how ‘needs’ can be unhealthy and how ‘wants’ are selfish. But living life to its full is so much more important than finding the right words to describe life, so let’s do the philosophy another time.
My wife and I found out in February that we were expecting our first baby. When we found out, we were actually still engaged and looking forward to our April wedding. We got married and as the months passed, my wife has become bigger and ever more beautiful. Our little one was due on 21st October. And we were told “with 80% probability” that our baby would be a girl.
My wife is unique. One of the things I enjoyed about her when we met was that unlike many, she quickly gets passionate about what she can do for others in the world rather than what others in the world should be doing for her. It’s beautiful. And as the years have passed, it’s become even stronger. She doesn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ from others very often. But she did dream of being a mother. I knew she’d be an incredible mother. She didn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ to be a mum. It was something stronger.
21st October came and went. No baby. Our home was made spotless for the 4th time. No baby. 25th October came. No baby. Lots of spicy curries, baths, raspberry tea, long walks etc. Just no baby. Baby was fine. Healthy, happy, right position, calm. Just not ready to come out yet. October reached its end. No baby. So last Wednesday, 2 November, I took my wife to our local hospital for our baby to be induced.
The people there were lovely and we expected to stay for a few days before our little one would be ready. I helped my wife into the bath, got her some tea, and she relaxed. And as the afternoon then evening passed, it all seemed so gentile. My partner didn’t want chemical painkillers, and we just took our time and relaxed. We’d hoped for a homebirth but were ultimately advised against it, so we took our time and just wanted the smoothest, slowest, most trauma-free possible transition to parenthood. The birthing-pool had been requested and we smiled. No chemicals, no pollutants, just a healthy little one.
But…. no baby. Lots of monitoring and ensuring all was OK. Just no baby. The clock ticked, people came and went, blinks came and went.
Suddenly, everything changed. My wife went from almost asleep to screaming in less than 10 seconds.
Everything was suddenly about need and want.
I wanted her pain to leave.
She needed my support.
I wanted her contraction to end so she could breathe ok.
She didn’t know what she needed. The contractions didn’t stop. She needed air.
I wanted to understand what she needed.
She needed to understand why these sudden contractions weren’t ending.
The screams suddenly became constant and the nurses needed to evacuate the whole maternity ward.
The mothers and mothers-to-be wanted to get out quickly.
My wife needed some comfort but didn’t want chemicals.
I needed some answers.
She needed me.
The midwives wanted my wife to lie down. She couldn’t.
They needed her to stand still. She wouldn’t.
They wanted whatever would be easiest for her. She tried. She couldn’t.
She needed the midwives.
They suddenly looked very different. 1 had turned into 3 then 5. And they needed things to happen fast.
My wife needed peace-of-mind and I wanted her to have it.
It was wanting.
We were suddenly in a different room.
My wife wanted to know what was happening.
The midwives wanted to understand too. Their faces were shouting that something was very wrong. They needed others.
Something didn’t make sense for them and they needed a doctor quickly.
My wife needed leadership.
I needed to distract her, make her look me in the eye and breathe deeply.
She needed me. But she wanted me to shut up. As long as I kept talking to her.
The gas and air needed strengthening. I wanted the doctors now stood next to the midwives to stop frowning.
I needed to understand. My wife needed to know our little one was safe.
The doctors wanted me to understand how the situation wasn’t at all how they’d thought.
They needed me and my wife to prepare ourselves.
I needed someone to explain why all the staff suddenly looked so worried.
My wife needed extremely urgent exceptional measures.
They wanted, no, needed my consent.
I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.
I wanted not to understand what the monitors were telling me. But I did understand.
My wife needed reassurance, love, support, my hand and more reassurance.
I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.
The staff needed me to know how unusual and serious things were.
I needed to distract my wife from the terror everywhere.
She needed to look into my eyes.
I needed my wife and baby to be safe.
I needed my wife to have the life of happiness she’s always wanted and truly deserved.
My love for my wife needed me to sit down.
I looked up and there were 13 staff in the room. And it all went quiet.
They suddenly needed me to stand up with my camera.
I didn’t need a second glance.
She needed no more beauty.
Our baby had arrived and my wife was safe.
I wanted to preserve the moment forever. So I did.
I watched as our little one was taken to one side and then helped to breathe.
She didn’t need it. She wanted to be.
She needed to be wrapped up in towels.
She wanted hugs and cuddles from daddy. Daddy needed to give them.
And as I held, cuddled and stared, I sang to her. A song of love from mummy and daddy we’ve sung her every day while pregnant.
After what she’d been through, she needed it.
And then I gave her to mummy.
She needed mummy’s skin. Mummy needed her.
I had everything I wanted. They were both safe. Their needs were met. So were mine.
My wife was beyond beautiful. My daughter was beyond beautiful.
And all of a sudden, this brilliant life had just started all over again. It wanted for nothing.
Ella Rae Cattell was born at 01:01 last Thursday morning. She weighed 8lb 14.5 oz. Lisa and Ella are permanent beauty. They are safe, gorgeous and simply meant to be together.
Our wants and needs have a fluid relationship. Sometimes, they love swapping places with each other without warning just to confuse us. It’s also true that on occasion, we humans are tempted to waste time chasing what isn’t really that important. But there are moments. Moments which have an energy and power that never fade. These moments provide us with a clarity. It’s clear that when we connect with the true, purest needs of others, we want for nothing. Once those who need us are safe, thriving and happy, we couldn’t want for anything else.
Jonathan (aka ‘daddy’).
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