Have you ever wondered what your best sides are? Ever taken a moment to quietly ask which of those things about you actually get the best out of others? The things you can ‘do’ can be useful. But more important and infinitely more powerful are the things you actually ‘are’. What are they? And how can we spot them? One dark night 10 years ago, a very interesting man started to explain. He was worth listening to. He was one of the most mysterious and interesting men I’ve ever met. I’m not allowed to say his name.
About 10 years ago, I decided to do something I’d always wanted to do. I decided to go back to university and conduct some postgraduate investigative research of secret intelligence (e.g. spies). And after a couple of months, I one day received a phone call. My academic supervisor (a Professor) was telling me I’d been invited to ‘an evening’. A guest speaker would present something and then we’d discuss it as a group. He couldn’t tell me any more, but would I fancy going and playing along with this? Errr…. Yes please.
The bells should have started ringing, but they didn’t. I was too busy working my socks off to listen to my intuition.
A few days before this ‘evening’, I was told I didn’t need to where a suit, I was told which town we were going to, I was told overnight accommodation had been booked for me. I was told the theme for the evening’s discussion, and I was told that there would be a small group of people who ‘shared my interests’.
As the Professor and I arrived at this special building, a man in smart clothes greeted and addressed us as ‘sir’ and took us to a special room. It was a lovely room. A small room. Around it, there were 6 men, with 2 spare seats for me and the professor. We were shown to our seats. And as I was led, I noticed that I was not only the only one NOT wearing a very smart suit, but I was also at least 20 years younger than anyone else present.
And as I sat down, I looked around at our small, intimate table of 8.
Ever have one of those moments when you wonder whether everything’s real?
Opposite me was one of the most famous people in the global history of sport. Next to me was a very successful man whose sons are credible and famous in the English-speaking media world. At the other end of the table was the leader of a very warm country’s intelligence service, and next to him a smiling man who never looked up, but whose crisp and polished appearance gave the impression that he was quite high up in something British. It was just the man to my left that I didn’t know anything about. Unlike everyone else, he didn’t have a title on his name card.
As I sat there, I decided this evening was a privilege. Nerves were inappropriate. So I took part as fully as I possibly could. And when the presentation of the theme of the evening and subsequent group discussion had ended, I relaxed in my seat.
And the man to my left turned to me and smiled. We spoke in English and it was quickly clear that this man had a million experiences he could never discuss. He was just so friendly, warm and smiley. It was a glass of red later that we started discussing our lives. And then his truth flowed.
“Jonathan, I belonged to an organisation which had 2 roles. One was our official cover. The other was the important bit. Our organisation was required to constantly travel through another country and pretend we weren’t doing anything wrong. But all the time, we were up to stuff.”
(There are times when listening says more than asking questions. This was one of them.)
“Jonathan, my role had 2 main responsibilities. I had to steal things in other countries for my Government. For example, I frequently had to break in to military bases and remove radar- and weapon parts from the military aircraft I found. Then I had to run. I did this for years and it kept me fit.
But the really interesting – other - part of my job was looking at people’s bits.”
(There are times when listening is better than saying the first thing that goes through your head.)
And he explained. His role during the Cold War had been to help the organisation and Government he worked for prepare for the possibility of future World War. And to do this, he travelled from one place to the next in a specific European country looking for people whose behaviours shouted leadership. Sometimes, he’d notice them in cafés and restaurants. Sometimes, it’d be walking down the street. Sometimes, he’d notice good leaders purely by the way they looked at people. I thought he must be joking. But he meant it. He explained:
“If my country needed to secretly make friends here fast, we’d need to know the people in the community who are natural leaders. Not those who are simply high up due to their age and experience. True Leaders are those whose personalities and inner behaviours influence those around them without even trying. I used to look for those bits in people that make others simply enjoy being human and natural with each other. People who listened properly and treated others with kindness were often worth looking into. They made those around them function better. They were often great leaders. But I had to look carefully. And I had to look for their bits without them even knowing I was there.”
And as the evening continued, this man shared more and more and more about what he’d looked for in future leaders. Listening and learning to all this was a fascinating couple of hours. I don't expect to witness an evening like this ever again.
So, what are our leadership ‘bits’? How good are we at getting the best out of others without even trying?
How well do we listen to other people? When someone’s talking, which part of them do our eyes focus on? How often do we smile in the company of others? Do we like to listen, or do we prefer to be listened to? When we walk into a room, how does the atmosphere of the room change and what happens to the voices of others when we’re near them? Do small children enjoy our company? Do we notice the truth inside people’s intentions? How much energy is there in our facial expressions when we’re with others? How well do we let those around us know that we truly see them? Not the surface, not the image, not the perception, but the beauty of who they truly are?
Not many of us are spies. But take a moment this week to notice the secret bits of others' characters. They’re beautifully endless. Our impact on the lives of others also has the most stunning potential. So take a moment this week to nourish the life or career of at least one other person. But shhh… keep it a secret.
X Jonathan
Comments