Genergy

Wants and needs

How do 'wants' and 'needs' influence our lives? Human beings lead lives of fascinating invention and beauty, and our lives are a reservoir of the most beautiful moments. Sometimes, we make ourselves a bit too busy to enjoy these moments. But sometimes, moments that come out of the blue have a power that doesn’t stop resonating for the rest of our lives. Throughout each day, many of us are constantly busy deciding what we want to happen next; we identify our ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ from one moment to the next without even realising we’re doing it. Wants and needs are natural enough, but telling them apart can be tricky. So what’s the difference between a want and a need? Last Thursday morning, it took 37 minutes to find out. The answer is heaven. 

Wants and needs are easily confused. And it’s true that ‘want’ and ‘need’ are expressed differently in different languages. There are many philosophies about how ‘needs’ can be unhealthy and how ‘wants’ are selfish. But living life to its full is so much more important than finding the right words to describe life, so let’s do the philosophy another time.

My wife and I found out in February that we were expecting our first baby. When we found out, we were actually still engaged and looking forward to our April wedding. We got married and as the months passed, my wife has become bigger and ever more beautiful. Our little one was due on 21^st October. And we were told “with 80% probability” that our baby would be a girl.

My wife is unique. One of the things I enjoyed about her when we met was that unlike many, she quickly gets passionate about what she can do for others in the world rather than what others in the world should be doing for her. It’s beautiful. And as the years have passed, it’s become even stronger.  She doesn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ from others very often. But she did dream of being a mother. I knew she’d be an incredible mother. She didn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ to be a mum. It was something stronger.

21^st October came and went. No baby. Our home was made spotless for the 4^th time. No baby. 25^th October came. No baby. Lots of spicy curries, baths, raspberry tea, long walks etc. Just no baby.  Baby was fine.  Healthy, happy, right position, calm. Just not ready to come out yet. October reached its end. No baby. So last Wednesday, 2 November, I took my wife to our local hospital for our baby to be induced.

The people there were lovely and we expected to stay for a few days before our little one would be ready.  I helped my wife into the bath, got her some tea, and she relaxed. And as the afternoon then evening passed, it all seemed so gentile. My partner didn’t want chemical painkillers, and we just took our time and relaxed. We’d hoped for a homebirth but were ultimately advised against it, so we took our time and just wanted the smoothest, slowest, most trauma-free possible transition to parenthood. The birthing-pool had been requested and we smiled. No chemicals, no pollutants, just a healthy little one.

But…. no baby. Lots of monitoring and ensuring all was OK. Just no baby. The clock ticked, people came and went, blinks came and went.

Suddenly, everything changed. My wife went from almost asleep to screaming in less than 10 seconds.

Everything was suddenly about need and want.

I wanted her pain to leave.

She needed my support.

I wanted her contraction to end so she could breathe ok.

She didn’t know what she needed. The contractions didn’t stop. She needed air.

I wanted to understand what she needed.

She needed to understand why these sudden contractions weren’t ending.

The screams suddenly became constant and the nurses needed to evacuate the whole maternity ward.

The mothers and mothers-to-be wanted to get out quickly.

My wife needed some comfort but didn’t want chemicals.

I needed some answers.

She needed me.

The midwives wanted my wife to lie down. She couldn’t.

They needed her to stand still. She wouldn’t.

They wanted whatever would be easiest for her. She tried. She couldn’t.

She needed the midwives.

They suddenly looked very different. 1 had turned into 3 then 5. And they needed things to happen fast.

My wife needed peace-of-mind and I wanted her to have it.

It was wanting.

We were suddenly in a different room.

My wife wanted to know what was happening.

The midwives wanted to understand too. Their faces were shouting that something was very wrong. They needed others.

Something didn’t make sense for them and they needed a doctor quickly.

My wife needed leadership.

I needed to distract her, make her look me in the eye and breathe deeply.

She needed me. But she wanted me to shut up. As long as I kept talking to her.

The gas and air needed strengthening. I wanted the doctors now stood next to the midwives to stop frowning.

I needed to understand. My wife needed to know our little one was safe.

The doctors wanted me to understand how the situation wasn’t at all how they’d thought.

They needed me and my wife to prepare ourselves.

I needed someone to explain why all the staff suddenly looked so worried.

My wife needed extremely urgent exceptional measures.

They wanted, no, needed my consent.

I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.

I wanted not to understand what the monitors were telling me. But I did understand.

My wife needed reassurance, love, support, my hand and more reassurance.

I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.

The staff needed me to know how unusual and serious things were.

I needed to distract my wife from the terror everywhere.

She needed to look into my eyes.

I needed my wife and baby to be safe.

I needed my wife to have the life of happiness she’s always wanted and truly deserved.

My love for my wife needed me to sit down.

I looked up and there were 13 staff in the room. And it all went quiet.

They suddenly needed me to stand up with my camera.

I didn’t need a second glance.

She needed no more beauty.

Our baby had arrived and my wife was safe.

I wanted to preserve the moment forever. So I did.

I watched as our little one was taken to one side and then helped to breathe.

She didn’t need it. She wanted to be.

She needed to be wrapped up in towels.

She wanted hugs and cuddles from daddy. Daddy needed to give them.

And as I held, cuddled and stared, I sang to her. A song of love from mummy and daddy we’ve sung her every day while pregnant.

After what she’d been through, she needed it.

And then I gave her to mummy.

She needed mummy’s skin. Mummy needed her.

I had everything I wanted. They were both safe. Their needs were met. So were mine.

My wife was beyond beautiful. My daughter was beyond beautiful.

And all of a sudden, this brilliant life had just started all over again. It wanted for nothing.

Ella Rae Cattell was born at 01:01 last Thursday morning. She weighed 8lb 14.5 oz. Lisa and Ella are permanent beauty. They are safe, gorgeous and simply meant to be together.

Taking a moment to choose our wants and needs changes lives. Our wants and needs have a fluid relationship. Sometimes, they love swapping places with each other without warning just to confuse us. It’s also true that on occasion, we humans are tempted to waste time chasing what isn’t really that important. But there are moments. Moments which have an energy and power that never fade.  These moments provide us with a clarity. It’s clear that when we connect with the true, purest needs of others, we want for nothing. Once those who need us are safe, thriving and happy, we couldn’t want for anything else.

Jonathan (aka ‘daddy’).

 

Wants and needs

How do wants and needs influence our lives? Human beings lead lives of fascinating invention and beauty. Our lives are a reservoir of the most beautiful moments. Sometimes, we make ourselves a bit too busy to enjoy these moments. But sometimes, moments that come out of the blue have a power that doesn’t stop resonating for the rest of our lives. Throughout each day, many of us are constantly busy deciding what we want to happen next; we identify our ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ from one moment to the next without even realising we’re doing it. Wants and needs are natural enough, but telling them apart can be tricky. So what’s the difference between a want and a need? Last Thursday morning, it took 37 minutes to find out. The answer is heaven.

Wants and needs are easily confused. And it’s true that ‘want’ and ‘need’ are expressed differently in different languages. There are many philosophies about how ‘needs’ can be unhealthy and how ‘wants’ are selfish. But living life to its full is so much more important than finding the right words to describe life, so let’s do the philosophy another time.

My wife and I found out in February that we were expecting our first baby. When we found out, we were actually still engaged and looking forward to our April wedding. We got married and as the months passed, my wife has become bigger and ever more beautiful. Our little one was due on 21^st October. And we were told “with 80% probability” that our baby would be a girl.

My wife is unique. One of the things I enjoyed about her when we met was that unlike many, she quickly gets passionate about what she can do for others in the world rather than what others in the world should be doing for her. It’s beautiful. And as the years have passed, it’s become even stronger.  She doesn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ from others very often. But she did dream of being a mother. I knew she’d be an incredible mother. She didn’t ‘want’ or ‘need’ to be a mum. It was something stronger.

21^st October came and went. No baby. Our home was made spotless for the 4^th time. No baby. 25^th October came. No baby. Lots of spicy curries, baths, raspberry tea, long walks etc. Just no baby.  Baby was fine.  Healthy, happy, right position, calm. Just not ready to come out yet. October reached its end. No baby. So last Wednesday, 2 November, I took my wife to our local hospital for our baby to be induced.

The people there were lovely and we expected to stay for a few days before our little one would be ready.  I helped my wife into the bath, got her some tea, and she relaxed. And as the afternoon then evening passed, it all seemed so gentile. My partner didn’t want chemical painkillers, and we just took our time and relaxed. We’d hoped for a homebirth but were ultimately advised against it, so we took our time and just wanted the smoothest, slowest, most trauma-free possible transition to parenthood. The birthing-pool had been requested and we smiled. No chemicals, no pollutants, just a healthy little one.

But…. no baby. Lots of monitoring and ensuring all was OK. Just no baby. The clock ticked, people came and went, blinks came and went.

Suddenly, everything changed. My wife went from almost asleep to screaming in less than 10 seconds.

Everything was suddenly about need and want.

I wanted her pain to leave.

She needed my support.

I wanted her contraction to end so she could breathe ok.

She didn’t know what she needed. The contractions didn’t stop. She needed air.

I wanted to understand what she needed.

She needed to understand why these sudden contractions weren’t ending.

The screams suddenly became constant and the nurses needed to evacuate the whole maternity ward.

The mothers and mothers-to-be wanted to get out quickly.

My wife needed some comfort but didn’t want chemicals.

I needed some answers.

She needed me.

The midwives wanted my wife to lie down. She couldn’t.

They needed her to stand still. She wouldn’t.

They wanted whatever would be easiest for her. She tried. She couldn’t.

She needed the midwives.

They suddenly looked very different. 1 had turned into 3 then 5. And they needed things to happen fast.

My wife needed peace-of-mind and I wanted her to have it.

It was wanting.

We were suddenly in a different room.

My wife wanted to know what was happening.

The midwives wanted to understand too. Their faces were shouting that something was very wrong. They needed others.

Something didn’t make sense for them and they needed a doctor quickly.

My wife needed leadership.

I needed to distract her, make her look me in the eye and breathe deeply.

She needed me. But she wanted me to shut up. As long as I kept talking to her.

The gas and air needed strengthening. I wanted the doctors now stood next to the midwives to stop frowning.

I needed to understand. My wife needed to know our little one was safe.

The doctors wanted me to understand how the situation wasn’t at all how they’d thought.

They needed me and my wife to prepare ourselves.

I needed someone to explain why all the staff suddenly looked so worried.

My wife needed extremely urgent exceptional measures.

They wanted, no, needed my consent.

I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.

I wanted not to understand what the monitors were telling me. But I did understand.

My wife needed reassurance, love, support, my hand and more reassurance.

I wanted my wife and baby to be safe.

The staff needed me to know how unusual and serious things were.

I needed to distract my wife from the terror everywhere.

She needed to look into my eyes.

I needed my wife and baby to be safe.

I needed my wife to have the life of happiness she’s always wanted and truly deserved.

My love for my wife needed me to sit down.

I looked up and there were 13 staff in the room. And it all went quiet.

They suddenly needed me to stand up with my camera.

I didn’t need a second glance.

She needed no more beauty.

Our baby had arrived and my wife was safe.

I wanted to preserve the moment forever. So I did.

I watched as our little one was taken to one side and then helped to breathe.

She didn’t need it. She wanted to be.

She needed to be wrapped up in towels.

She wanted hugs and cuddles from daddy. Daddy needed to give them.

And as I held, cuddled and stared, I sang to her. A song of love from mummy and daddy we’ve sung her every day while pregnant.

After what she’d been through, she needed it.

And then I gave her to mummy.

She needed mummy’s skin. Mummy needed her.

I had everything I wanted. They were both safe. Their needs were met. So were mine.

My wife was beyond beautiful. My daughter was beyond beautiful.

And all of a sudden, this brilliant life had just started all over again. It wanted for nothing.

 

Ella Rae Cattell was born at 01:01 last Thursday morning. She weighed 8lb 14.5 oz. Lisa and Ella are permanent beauty. They are safe, gorgeous and simply meant to be together.

 

Our wants and needs have a fluid relationship. Sometimes, they love swapping places with each other without warning just to confuse us. It’s also true that on occasion, we humans are tempted to waste time chasing what isn’t really that important. But there are moments. Moments which have an energy and power that never fade.  These moments provide us with a clarity. It’s clear that when we connect with the true, purest needs of others, we want for nothing. Once those who need us are safe, thriving and happy, we couldn’t want for anything else.

 

Jonathan (aka ‘daddy’).

'professional' Pandora's box

Ever wondered what happens to people when they dump the ‘professional’ façade? Ever wondered what would happen to you?

In the last week or so, I have had the pleasure to begin coaching a couple of new clients in senior leadership roles. I love starting to work with someone new. Being excited about what the opportunity might hold for them, curious about how the relationship will evolve and open to whatever might need to happen for them. It is such a lovely feeling when you see someone start to make big realisations and to see that there are whole sides to them that they have kept hidden, not explored or not even really been aware of.  And working with people in the way we do, it has become so crystal clear to me… being ‘professional’ has a lot to answer for!

As a coach and working energetically with people, you never really know what is going to happen when you coach someone or where the real learning and shifts will come from. It always intrigues me (and slightly amuses me it must be said) that we go through a process of meeting up with the manager of the person to be coached, agreeing objectives and trying to make sure that everyone in the business is clear about what the coaching shall achieve. Of course, this is an important part of the process – it unlocks some good honesty in people and it creates a sense of direction. However, when the coaching actually starts, what is written down on the piece of paper is so rarely the true underlying issue or purest potential. It is only when you get to that deeper level of potential with people that things really start to change. And, thankfully, when you work with people at this level, all of the originally-stated objectives are achieved anyway!

The other thing I notice is how often common themes emerge in the people I‘m coaching. I don’t look for this or consciously attract it to me but I notice that the people who want to work with me often have common themes, and these themes also often relate to areas that I happen to be passionate about. Perhaps this is part of the Law of Attraction at work. I attract people to me who, at some level, feel my passion for the individual, individual expression and working at a deeper level of awareness and consciousness.

So, the common theme I was noticing last week was about the ways in which people choose to be ‘professional’ - and the impact that this has on people and their leadership style. We may assume that it is natural to want to be seen as professional, after all most people want to be taken seriously at work don’t they? We want our colleagues to listen to us and respect us, to take on board what we say and for us to present a sense of ‘gravitas’. It all makes sense on a logical level. However, the impact of all this is actually quite different.

What being ‘professional’ often actually translates to is conforming, being logical and sensible, taking very few risks and presenting ourselves in a way that we judge (assume) is acceptable to others. It also often means that we present quite a one-sided version of ourselves. There are so many times when I start to coach people and I see all these wonderful, amazing sides of them that I just know that their colleagues don’t see! What a shame that in the place and doing the activity where we spend most of our time, people often don’t get to see what is uniquely remarkable about who we are.

The irony is that often when people are being ‘professional’, their intention is to project a sense of leadership and gravitas. To get others to follow them. Logically, it all makes sense. However, the actual impact is actually often too logical and flat. What it misses is inspiration, true leadership and the power and energy that true leaders have. To lead in this way can feel like it has some vulnerability and risk in allowing other people to really see who you are. And yet, when you do it, you realise that it is more powerful than you could have imagined and you feel a lot less vulnerable than when you are presenting a façade and keeping parts of you hidden.

I learnt this lesson in one of my last full time corporate jobs years ago. I worked for a company where the majority of people seemed very different from me. I was much more emotional, strategic and intuitive by nature whereas the culture was very logical, practical and short term. And, so what did I do? I tried to fit in. But it was tough and I felt at some level that I wasn’t being me, wasn’t as good as people thought I was and would get ‘found out’ at some point. The turning point came when I made the decision that I would leave and set up my own business. I was still at the business for about a year after the decision was made but, because I knew my long term future wasn’t there, I took the shackles off. I suddenly felt able to be me – even down to the way I dressed and how I behaved. And, guess what? They loved it! I was probably even more successful and happier in that last year than at any other time at that company, and what I realised was that I could have done that at any time. I’d always just told myself I couldn’t and that it wouldn’t be ok.

So, my challenge to anyone reading this this week? Show yourself and your colleagues who you really are! Drop any professional façade and trust in yourself and others that when you are truly you, you can’t help but be more powerful and a better leader. And, you’ll have a lot more fun along the way too! Thank you to my wonderful clients too for demonstrating to me how amazing we all are at our core and allowing me to witness what they are capable of. I feel truly honoured and blessed to do this very special work.

Go on... enjoy showing yourself this week. :-)

Lisa. X

Who dares stand?

In the last week or so our country seems to have been gripped by a new challenge of morality - the News International scandal. Perhaps it’s seeing wayward leadership being brought down to size or the revulsion many have felt at the phone tapping not just of celebrities but of soldiers and victims such as Millie Dowler. The question that has been buzzing around me is – How can this happen in an organisation? What makes it ‘ok’ to behave in a way that only in hindsight becomes 'wrong'? And, how can individuals guard against it?

Every organisation has its culture of course and, as human beings, it’s tricky not to be influenced by the culture around us. We join a company and we notice how other people behave, what gets recognised and rewarded and who seems to be moving onwards and upwards. And, somewhere in us, consciously or unconsciously, we start to take on these behaviours and to adapt to the environment around us. All this is well and good of course, we are used to adapting to different situations and to finding out and exploring what works for us and others, it would be wrong for us to exist in our own little vacuum and to just carry on with our behaviours regardless of impact. You see this instinct even in very young children. They say something or behave in a certain way and then notice the response. If it is positive, it fires them up to do more. All well and good.

However, there is another side to all of this great adapting. What happens when there is something that is not so positive in the culture? When it is slightly aggressive, dismissive or steps over some moral or legal line? Who is the one who has the courage to challenge even when their view isn’t the norm or acceptable? The courage to say what is right and wrong? Years ago, I met someone socially who worked for a big airline. He was telling me that they were cracking down on airline crew taking home bottles of alcohol and other ‘freebies’ from the plane. Apparently, it was actually illegal for people to do this but it had just become the norm. So, at the end of a flight, everyone would take a bottle home and think nothing of it. After all, everyone did it. So, if someone new joined, they would be told that it was ok and so the behaviour and the culture continued. Apparently, when the company started to crack down and reinforce to people that this was actually theft, the people concerned were shocked. That wasn’t their intention at all. They were just doing what everyone else did, in their minds it had almost become part of their remuneration package.  It set me thinking about how much this group behaviour and group think pervades in other organisations and the dangers this causes.

So, how do we as individuals in organisations or businesses guard against this kind of dangerous norming and ‘group think’? For me, it feels like there are two things that businesses need to encourage and individuals need to do that really make the difference.

1. The courage to be a ‘champion’. When Genergy works in organisations that want a change of culture, we are often looking for what we call ‘champions’. People who are fired up about the future, new, positive way of doing things - and who are prepared to really stand at the forefront of something and give it a go, not just sit and wait for it to come from the top or for someone else to create a place of acceptable safety first. Recently I was running a big project with a large insurance company. One of the businesses within this company has a very risk averse, task driven, controlling culture. There is a new MD there who is trying to create change and has a very ‘coaching style’ of leading and managing - but the old culture still very much pervades. We have heard a lot of people say that they can’t do things differently because ‘the culture won’t let them’ or that things need to change at their boss’s level first. They are just too afraid to be the ones who put their heads above the parapet. And, within this environment, we have met some truly remarkable people. One individual really impressed me. This guy was a very technical expert. He was quiet and reflective and really didn’t make that much of an impression in the group at the beginning.

However, as the first day went on, you could see that light bulbs were going on for him and he was beginning to see a very different way that he could manage and lead his people. He left the 2 day programme really fired up and he had inspired me in the way that he had stepped out of his comfort zone and really gone for everything that we were teaching him. This particular programme had a follow up day about six weeks later where we met the delegates again and talked to them about what had changed as well as teaching them some new skills. I’d already heard some really good feedback about this guy through the grapevine. Comments like – ‘x is like a man possessed’ and ‘what did you do to him?!” where commonplace. So, in the first part of the day, we got the delegates into groups to share their successes. This guy went into a group and everyone started talking about how busy they were and the culture and how hard it was to change anything.

And, I observed… to see what would happen. 

Suddenly, this man started to speak and there was total silence as he did so. Quietly and calmly but with total passion, he told the group about everything he had changed and done since the last time they had met and the results that he had had. In the nicest possible way, he challenged them about this thing called ‘culture’ and made them see that it was really a white elephant and that they had within their power to make happen whatever they wanted to happen. As I watched, I couldn’t help but smile. Some of the other guys there were stronger, more forceful characters on the surface and usually would take up much more of the airspace but you could have heard a pin drop as they realised that there was so much more within their control and power than they were allowing themselves to see. A beautiful moment.

        2.  Retaining your own internal radar and individuality. They say that children know the difference between right and wrong very early. We have an internal sense of what feels right, regardless of what is happening or seems to be ok around us. Often it is just a nagging feeling, a feeling in the gut or a sense of unease. And, we put it to one side because the majority seems to be against it or we might look foolish or we think that it might even affect our career prospects. And, yet, it is this individuality that not only keeps a business on track but also provides the creative fuel that is so important to a business’ ongoing success.

I saw a lovely example of this on You Tube recently. It was a clip from Innocent smoothies about a man who chooses to stand rather than sit whilst everyone else sits around him. A nice metaphor I thought for those who choose to stand apart because it feels right and that it then brings in a different, challenging energy to the business. See what you think. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hga4WLqgEtE.

You don’t have to be a maverick to be true to yourself and to take a stand. It’s easy to blame the people at the top (and they do have an overall responsibility), but a business and culture is made up of lots of people just like you. You just have to be tuned into your own internal belief system, to notice those ‘niggles’ when things aren’t right and to have the courage to stand up and be counted. I don’t honestly believe that most businesses want a whole load of corporate clones working for them, and when individuals are allowed truly express who they are, it releases a sense of rightness and a creative energy that will fire up those businesses to really be great in the future.

What could be better in your business today if you just took a moment... to stand up?

Lisa x

:-) Ja

Have you ever been in a room, surrounded by people much cleverer than you? Ever been part of a group where there’s something everyone else can do much, much better than you? What impact did it have on the way you behaved? How do we feel when we know moments like that are coming? So, what if we could change it all in an instant? At 7:38 p.m. last Wednesday,  the loveliest 64 year old woman showed the world how it’s done.

It all started on 11^th March 2009. My wife and I had had a lovely meal and we were wondering what makes people really show their truest beauty.  And as we sat chatting in this bistro, we noticed the rarest of energies around us. It was lovely and so very sudden. It was a group of people, of mixed ages, mixed backgrounds, mixed colours,  standing talking. They all held a glass as they talked. And they were all doing the same thing. They were smiling.

As my partner and I sat chatting, we noticed that their smiles didn’t go away. The smiles were deeper than social smiles, they were inner smiles. In fact, simply being near these people unlocked something pure in us too. They made us smile even more than we already were. Who were these people? So we thought we’d find out. We said hello and took a moment to smile with them.

This group had planned a surprise birthday party for a friend. Their evening had gone really well. And so having said hello, Lisa and I thought we’d leave them in peace. But just as we wanted to return to our seats, I heard it. “:-) Ja!”. Was someone in the room German? I said something back in German. And then, like a sunburst, they all let me have it. Loads of them spoke German. It was like a summer shower of moment – so many responses – and all in German. The people weren’t  German, but somehow, lots of them were trying to speak it.

Out of nowhere, more heads kept popping up. It seemed like everyone was just having fun by giving it a try. And all the time, they smiled. No ego, showing off or cleverness, no interpersonal hierarchy, just loads of smiles, with us all enjoying the moment together. And as we then chatted, it became clear that this evening was a gift. And as we listened to these people, smiling, I felt their passion for life.

And it hit me. What if people's lives could have more moments like this? These people were truly beautiful – they were flowing. And we could sense that they didn’t show this side of themselves very often. So what could we do – that very night – to unlock more of this in the world?

So, smiling, I just went for it. “This might seem a bit forward, but would any of you fancy meeting up from time to time to speak a bit of German?” Two smiles stepped forward. Between the three of us, that very night, we decided to create something very different. We’d meet the following week to chat in German. Every effort to speak German would be applauded; no snobbery would be allowed; no ego; no pretentiousness; no confidence-bashing; no sarcasm;  mistakes would be welcome and if there was something we didn’t know how to say, everyone would muck in and help. Every effort would be encouraged at all times – ability simply didn’t matter.

When we met, the evening was a roaring success. There weren’t 3 of us – there were 7. Friends had found out and wanted to give it a go. With everyone initially a little nervous, we just went for it. And the more mistakes we made, the more other people joined in. And the more other people joined in, the more adventurous everyone became. Mistakes , messy grammar, pronunciation all over the place, made-up words, exaggerated accents – the more we got wrong, the more everyone joined in. Everyone was 6 years old again. Trying. Having fun. Not caring. And smiling. At all times, smiling. The smiles simply wouldn’t go away. The adventure was opening people up. And there came a moment when I found myself silently wondering what it was that this evening was doing for people inside.  In creating this flow, what was being unlocked?

But I then moved out of the area and lost touch with many of these people. But I often wondered… do any of them still meet up?

3 weeks ago, an email arrived out of the blue. One of these German evenings was planned, and would I, now living some way away, like to travel down and join them? So I did. It was being hosted by someone I didn’t know. And as I neared the address last Wednesday evening, it was in a place I didn’t know, In a street I didn’t know, with no-one I knew around outside. And it was silent. But when I knocked on the door, it flew at me.

As I was shown through to the back garden by the friendliest 8 year old boy doing his very best in German, I saw them sitting there. All 25 of them. Different ages, different colours, different backgrounds. All sitting in the sun, laughing, joking, chatting furiously, fascinated by each other. And everyone – doing their very best – to do it all in German.  There was the most nourishing friendliness, welcome, interest and connection before I even had a chance to say hello. And everywhere, smiles. I sat silently for a moment, enjoying them all. No ego, no snobbery. Just smiles and enjoyment. Sure, there were University Professors there – they’d obviously been invited. But as they sat alongside the 8 year old who was loving doing his very best to get it right and wrong, they all just smiled. And spoke whatever German they could. Then, she spoke to me.

I won’t say her name. I’d find out later that she is 64. She is a truly lovely woman. The kind who was raised another way just a few decades before us. She couldn’t stop smiling. You could sense that despite the sweetest shyness, she had so much to share, so much to try and say in German. And as she spoke, I suddenly sensed it. She just said a few German words that little bit differently. It was a kind of beautiful German that existed long ago but they don’t speak any more. And it was so subtle that on another day, I might have missed it. So I listened at the core.

She’d loved her father so very much. He was an intelligent but affectionate man. And well before the war, he’d had friends in Germany who’d been worried about the way Germany was going. He helped some of these people escape to England. And they were influential people. And this lady’s father was so impressed by their bravery, that he’d sit down every night and have fun by teaching her to speak German the way  they spoke it. This lady loved these nights. She still loves the memory of them. But after the war, her father died. she tried speaking German at school once as a way of remembering him, but the English children’s parents hated Germans, so the children beat her up. She never spoke German again. Until one day, just recently, when she overheard two friendly, happy women talking in a café, about this club they’d joined, where everyone relaxed and spoke whatever German they could manage – no matter how many mistakes they made. The lady then spoke to the two. She loved their smiles and friendliness. Then they asked her if she’d like to join them at this funny German club.

Apparently, she didn’t have to even think about it. She smiled and replied: “:-) Ja!”. And last week, she told me that this was the most connected she’d felt to her father since he’d died. She could not remember being this happy. She loved getting her German really wrong and not being the best. And she was smiling. Right at her core.

Just how much do we sit on sometimes? What are those things in our past that make us hold back? For every way in which we behave, there’s at least one reason from the past. It might be a compelling reason. But does that make it a good reason? In fact, how often do we find that our reasons for the way we choose our future behaviours aren’t, actually, all that reasonable? So many of us have days when something from our past is trying to flow, just waiting for us to unlock it. It can be tough. And even scary, but when we see the adventure, seize it, give it a try, what the hell, go for it, challenge our comforts, and do something that we never thought we’d do, it unlocks us. And unlocking ourselves suddenly makes a lot of things happen.  One of the first of these things?  We smile.

Is ditching our comfort zone worth a try?

:-) Ja.

Jonathan

A Legacy of Love

As I sit here, wondering how to express all that has been happening in my life and my family’s lives in the last week, I am struck by the biggest questions we face as human beings in this life. What is our legacy? What do we want to create in our lives and how do we want our lives to touch others?

On the 29^th June my father died and we held the funeral last Friday. My Dad had been a big, strong man who had never had a day off sick from work in his life. On April 9^th he was at our wedding proudly giving me away to my new husband Jonathan and making the most fantastic wedding speech. Everyone commented on what a lovely man he was and the impact he had. And then, as if from nowhere in June, he was diagnosed with a severe form of leukaemia and within 3 weeks he had passed away. As I sit and write this, it still feels very unreal. That we will never see him again and that he won’t be physically part of our lives as we go about them in the future. And, at the same time, I feel his presence all around me. And, what has struck me as we as a family have been through this experience together is that there is true beauty, love and hope in it as well as the sadness and the pain.

My dad wasn’t one for pomp and ceremony. He wasn’t religious and was a pretty practical kind of guy so we tried to honour this as we planned his funeral service at the crematorium on Friday. No religion, no great wreaths of flowers, just a service to show our love for him and to celebrate his life. I had volunteered to speak on behalf of the family. I couldn’t have explained it but I just knew that it was my job to do and that I had to do it as part of my tribute to and celebration of my Dad. I wrote what I wanted to say over the week before, practiced it a few times and let my family read it so that they could add to it and make sure that it really paid the right kind of tribute to the man my Dad was. On the morning of the service, I was feeling a little nervous but also strangely calm. I knew what I needed to do and what I had to say. And, then, as we arrived, the grandchildren started to get upset which upset me and I felt my tears start to flow. For a few moments, I panicked. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t get the words out? I knew someone else could read what I had written but I also knew that only I could deliver it with the power and passion that I had created it with.

So, it came to my turn and I walked up to the microphone and stand. As I took a deep breath and the tears started to flow, I looked around the group gathered there to honour my Dad. And, I was deeply, humbly moved. People from all parts of my Dad’s life had turned out to honour this amazing man and I saw them all looking up at me and willing me on. I began shakily and with tears flowing but then something remarkable happened. As I continued to speak, I grew in confidence and felt the connection to my Dad grow. As I recounted anecdotes and stories from his life and talked about the things that made Ray Mitchell the man he was, I felt his energy flow through me, his presence become real in the room and I felt him by my side willing me on. And, as I looked around the audience, I felt the connection with what I was saying and that every word was helping each person in the room connect to their own memories of Ray Mitchell in whatever guise they had known him. It was as if I was speaking purely as a vessel for everyone in the room, not as me but connected to an energy that we were all creating and building together. As I finished, I paid tribute to my Dad’s biggest legacy, the remarkable loving family that I am part of and who have all shown exceptional courage and love for each other over the last month or so since my dad became ill.  As I sat down and allowed the tears to flow once more, I felt the true power of my Dad’s legacy in life. All that he had achieved from a professional and personal basis but, more than anything else, how many lives he had touched and the love that flowed all around him. He touched so many lives and I think we only realised how many he had touched after he had gone.

At the reception after the service, we celebrated my Dad for everything he had been. I saw many members of my family there who I haven’t seen for years. And, we all said that we’d love to see each other more often and create real relationships moving forward. We’ve already all connected on Facebook and are planning a reunion next year. Many people came up to me to share their own personal stories and memories of my Dad and as they did so my memories of him became even more rounded and special as I heard people tell me things that I never knew about him. And, through the upset, there was much laughter and special memories shared. And, so much courage, especially from my mum who had been married to this remarkable man for 47 years and is finding her way without him one step at a time.

I said in my celebration of my Dad, that I have the pleasure of meeting many truly inspirational people in my life and work. I meet people every day who inspire me in how they live their lives, the choices they make and the impact they have on the people and the world around them. And, yet, how often do we miss the true impact of those closest to us? To fail to see them for how amazing and transformational they really are? When I stood up to honour my Dad, it was one of the most challenging and yet transformational things that I have ever done. And, yet, as I did it I felt the true strength of his legacy in me and the baby that I am carrying. I felt a love for my father with a purity that I had not felt before and my legacy as my father’s daughter with all that I can achieve in the world. I know with a certainty that I am absolutely my father’s daughter and that his legacy lives on not only in me but in his family, his grandchildren and all who knew and loved him. He inspired us all to the last and I know that our lives are better as a result of having had him in them.

It’s so easy to be lost in the mundane detail of life and all the busyness we create around ourselves. Take a minute today to look around you and truly see those you love for how amazing they are. And, feel the legacy you are creating in your every word and action. It’s never too soon or too late.

Lisa

Growing Panes

What were you like in your early teens? And if I asked your parents what you were like when you were a teenager, what do you think they’d say? We’ve met some fascinating teams recently, and one in particular is really impressive in a very different way. They’re looking after an exceptional business. And just recently, they’ve done something exciting that many businesses miss until it’s too late. They’ve realised their business is growing up. What’s different is that they’ve decided to replace growing pains with growing panes.

Instead of focusing on what’s not right, this business is excitedly staring through windows at its own people. And what they see is something beautiful growing. As they look through the panes, they recognise pure, limitless potential. And they’re excited about making this ‘potential’ actually happen.

Think back for a moment. Remember that time when your toys or dolls were starting to become, well, a bit embarrassing when your ‘mates’ came round? And what about that first time you went to buy your own clothes … with your own money… remember how that felt? And then, in the following years, do you remember how your moods changed as you reached adulthood? Facial hair, make-up, music, posters… being cool? The good news is that you’ve made it. You’re here now.

But what advice should we give a young person starting to go through this? And what if it weren’t a young person at all? What if it were a business going through an exciting kind of adolescence?

The business we’re talking about is a brand all of us will know. They have a delicious offering and there’s no-one on the high street who creates quite the same in-store experience. And when you meet the people running their business, they’re even more unique.   This business has grown quickly and its successes have been achieved wholly, exclusively by the devotion and heart of the people they’re proud to employ.

This business is about love. There’s love in everything they do and sell. But it’s more than that. It’s one of those businesses where in the lift, you feel something. It’s unique and so fertile. You smile as you realise that their people are enjoying chatting to colleagues they don’t know. When rather than politics or ego, they’re genuinely ignited by the conversations they create and the connections they make inside the building.  They’re buzzing. And they’re interested in each other. As you walk around the floors, people are smiling as they talk to each other. Though they don’t know you, they smile. Every time. And each person you walk past says hello. This business is about love.

And all this has made them so successful that they’re now getting bigger, bigger and bigger – expanding around the world with an excitement that’s so rare for businesses at the moment.  They deserve every penny of their successes in the years ahead.

But what happens when we start getting bigger? On the one hand, those lovely ‘uniques’ that got us this far are a key part of who we are, so let’s not lose them. But on the other hand, as we get bigger, we need to learn to behave a little differently. As we change in size, people start treating us differently too, and we need to handle challenges in a new way.

So I’ll end this with a few brief questions:

• What if, instead of telling you to ‘change’, your employer recognised how brilliant you’re going to become?
• What if you then tasted the exciting potential of what only you can be?
• What if change weren’t about ‘not being good enough’, but about excitement, recognition, growth, adventure and “hell yeah!”?
• What if people started to feel a new confidence that makes them just go for it?
• What if change meant we could be who we are, just in a bigger, exciting, completely natural new way?
• What if you could replace any possible fear of change with an ignited, inspired  appetite for the unknown?
• What if you began to ooze an instinctive desire to do things differently and better in each moment simply by wanting to have a go?
• What if change felt less like letting go of yesterday and more about getting to bed early so that the exciting tomorrow comes that bit quicker?
• What if being a bigger you felt simply incredible?

These questions were asked by the team we love. They’re looking through the panes at their colleagues. And they see the excitement of the future. Not growing pains, just brimming potential. Inside that business, things are about to change. In a big way. And it’s a kind of change no-one will ever want to change. No matter what changes.

Up for a bit of shopping?

Jonathan

 

The Transformative Power Of Change

Just how much change should we change? Change is unavoidable, but what if we keep the true transformational power of the change, while simply changing the way change is delivered? This last week I have been struck by how much change we are often confronted with in our lives and how transformative change can be if we allow it to be so. 

For the last 4 months I have been working with a big company which is going through an enormous amount of change. The great news is that this company is doing exceptionally well and whereas many in its sector are contracting, this company is expanding, bringing on new partners and acquiring new businesses. I have been working intensively with this business for over a year now and what has been constant in this time is the fact that it has been continually evolving and growing and that its managers and leaders are working at the forefront of this change with all the challenges and opportunities that this entails.

Working with this business in its process of change has also coincided with my partner Jonathan and I also going through a big cycle of change. We recently got married and are also expecting our first child. All of this is incredibly exciting, and, has caused me to question the process of change and how we can powerfully use the energy of it in our lives.

Most people who have worked in business or people development will be very familiar with a standard ‘change curve’. Standard wisdom has it that when change is afoot, people will go through a change process which is to be expected. This will be through the stages of shock, denial, frustration and then hopefully onto acceptance and integration. This supposedly applies both at an individual and at a company wide level when companies are going through a culture change. All of this makes logical sense and potentially resonates at some level with our own experience of change. However, today I am posing a question. Does it really have to be so? What if we could approach change in a different way and shortcut some of the pain in the middle of the process?

Coming back to the business I am working with, I have seen people with all sorts of different reactions to change. In the programme we are running, we are essentially teaching managers how to lead, coach and release potential in their people. As part of the programme, the managers coach each other. For some of the individuals involved, this has been a truly transformative experience. This week, one individual was being coached around how she delivers in the business. She has come from outside the business, is clearly very dynamic and used to a faster pace than she is now experiencing. As she was being coached, you could see the frustration starting to bubble over and, as the coaching supposedly concluded, she suddenly burst into tears.  The emotion totally took her by surprise and she looked shocked and a little embarrassed that she could have such a strong reaction. Myself and the coach just held the space for her to cry and allow the emotion out. And, at the end and connecting to the highest energy of the situation, I asked her, ‘What is the real potential for you and your team here?’. As I said those words, she started to laugh as she realised that it was her own overly high standards and judgement that were getting in the way of her success and that this business held the potential for her to use her leadership in a very different way. At the end of the programme she wrote a personal addition to the feedback forms which thanked myself and my fellow coach for creating such a transformative experience for her. And, as the tears welled up when she said goodbye, we could sense that these were tears of relief, gratitude and excitement. Quite different from the tears of earlier.

And so, as I connect to this one amazing individual and many others that I have had the pleasure to work with on this programme, it strikes me that change can be much easier than we think if we get out of our own way. For me, there are many different levels that we can connect with any experience. We can connect to the pain, frustration and out of control feelings that the change generates, or we can connect to the transformative potential of it. For this individual, the pain just disappeared once she realised the potential in the situation. So, can we shortcut the frustration or maybe avoid it altogether if we trust that for whatever reason whatever is happening is perfect and connected to a higher purpose? We can fight against the change and try to maintain our current position of safely in the face of it, or, we can go with the flow of it and see what emerges. I know for myself, that when I am in a position of flow and trust, I allow whatever magic that wants to happen to emerge. And, I know that it is also not always easy to do!

So, perhaps in the future, change will look different and so much easier and more fun!

Step 1 – Connect to the energy of the change and the vision for you and the business behind it

Step 2 – Be in the flow of the change and sense the greater potential of it

Step 3 – Enjoy the ride! 

Simplistic? Maybe – but, in my experience, the best things are sometimes the most obvious and staring us right in the face if we take the time to look. We’d love to know your experiences of change. Let us know on the Genergy forum.

Happy Mondays!

Lisa Cattell (!)

 

Speechless

What does it mean when we have something really important to say but in the very moment we need them, the words completely disappear? On Saturday 9 April, it happened. It was my wedding. It was my speech. It was all so well planned. The words, the funny bits, the memories, the expressions of love and thanks. They were all there. But when I stood up, they were gone. The reason? There was something more important to say. I didn’t know what it was. So I simply spoke, and trusted that what I had to say was there. It was. The experience knocked me sideways.

Our wedding day was blissful. I hadn’t been nervous in the run up to the church service. I was excited. More excited than I’ve ever been. The service was delightful , the sun shone, it was the warmest day of the year and the day was about our love and commitment to each other. As we then arrived at the reception, there was love around us everywhere. Everything ran as per plan, even better than we’d dared dream and it was the best day of our lives. And as we sat to eat, the energy of our wedding flowed all around everyone there. There was just one more thing to think about – my speech.

Speeches are powerful things. They’re important, and we all have different reactions when we have an important one to do. Sometimes we get nervous, sometimes we get stage-fright, and so often, we worry. On occasion, we can even be sick with fear. Will the content be right? Is my voice good enough? Is what I say interesting? Have I prepared it properly? Will I miss anything out? Will something go wrong?

I was introduced to public speaking during officer training with the military. They taught us the do’s and the don’ts, the way to plan and prepare and they taught us how to hold rooms. So for my speech, I planned it for months. So many things I wanted to say, so many people I wanted to thank. So much eternal, true love for my wife sitting by my side. My groom’s speech, I decided, was going to be about ‘moments’. And I was really looking forward to it. It was just what I wanted to say.

Since meeting Lisa, I have become passionate about each moment in life. Before we met, I was a thinker and a planner. I loved it. Sort of. I was about looking forward to all the things in life that I could plan for, get ready for, prepare for, achieve and enjoy in the future. I was driven and I knew what I wanted my future to look like. But since Lisa and I met, I’ve fallen in love with moments. All of them. The moments each day that transform our lives. The little things, the conversations, the love in each blink, each conversation, each time we’re in someone’s company and we’re getting to know them better. The fun, the connections, the walks and the cups of tea. And the love of the moment is what Lisa has brought to my life. Each moment with her and of my life is an experience I’ll never have again. So at the same time as I fell in love with Lisa, I fell in love with life. Moments.

And as the speeches began, I listened and laughed. Lisa’s father’s speech was fantastic. So too was the speech of our bridesmaid. But I could feel something. Something powerful. Then the best-man’s speech came and it was one of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced. And together, all these speeches produced a clarity I’ve never felt before. And as I stood to give my speech, it became clear that this incredibly powerful thing going on inside was my calling. As I looked at the smiling faces in front of me, I realised the beautiful truth that this clarity was showing me. It was time not to just speak of moments with Lisa, but to be the love of the moments that she has brought to my life. So I put down my speech-papers, then I started to speak.

As I spoke, truth flowed. I didn’t know what I was going to say or how I was going to say it, so I let go. I let go and flowed with the energy of the moment. I didn’t recognise the words until I was hearing them.  My words of appreciation and love came from that place inside that is loving human instinct. The words were pure. They were real. They were the truth. They were beyond love and appreciation, they were life. They were deep. They were my most honest response to the moment. And as I looked at Lisa and tried not to cry, my love flowed. Not just my love for Lisa, but my love for all the lovely people sharing the day with us, the moments that each and every one of them had brought to our wedding day. And I felt their love coming back. Lisa has brought love to the moments of so many lives. She is love itself. And as I reached the end, I could feel that the love I have for her is one shared by all who know her. The moment was my opportunity to speak for us all.

And as the words ended and we toasted my beautiful wife, it was time to be silent. And kiss her. And adore her for the rest of my life.

Speeches aren’t about words, they just contain words. Words are the symptoms  - indicators - of what we’re truly trying to say deep down. Choosing the right words isn’t easy, so it’s best not to grip words too tightly. What’s more important is what we’re trying to say. And in each moment, the words we need flow, change and glide as if having a true power of their very own. Speeches are our opportunity to express something that can only come from us. And when we stand up to speak, the moment is there. It’s a beautiful moment. It’s stunning. It’s unique. And when we embrace it and stop thinking, we speak the truth of the moment. And if you’re lucky enough to meet the person that leads you to love life’s moments in this way, this love leaves you speechless.

Jonathan

 

Accent runways

What exactly does ‘philosophy’ mean? And what about ‘moral philosophy’? Will we ever reach consensus on the meaning of ‘our responsibility to the world’? To what extent should we protect ourselves from the world and to what extent should we get involved? And when we hear or see something we don’t like, is it ok to tut, moan, and recriminate, or should we use it as a trigger to be the world we’d like to see? Shall we?

How should we respond to what’s happening in the world at the moment? Widespread energetic uprisings across Africa and the Middle-East have caught everyone’s attention. Power is changing, reforming, moving and being used to further differing agendas. And the lives of our brothers and sisters in Japan are being turned upside down, inside out. People just like us have lost those they love just as deeply as we love our own. People would give their own lives to protect those they have lost. Japan is far away, but what if the same things happened here? How would we cope? And if life is indeed so fragile, with our realities able to change but in a breath, what should we be doing until then, with each of these unique moments, opportunities and breaths of love we’ve been gifted?

We can’t bring back others’ loved ones. And it’s debatable how far we should go in deciding what is best for the people of other countries. Yet people-development circles often speak of the ‘circle of concern’ and the ‘circle of influence’, or in other words, “what’s worrying us” and “what we can actually do about it”. So what on earth should- and can we do?

Let’s merge two very different concepts.

What can we learn from what’s happening in the world? Japan is in pain and at the same time, the news is full of talk about what to do in Libya. One story that caught my attention was that many nations’ Air Forces have been active in the skies above Libya in recent days. During my time being taught to fly by Britain’s Royal Air Force, time after time, I was instructed to ‘look down the runway’. What my instructors meant by this was that with so many things to do, you’ll take off and land much more safely if you don’t look right in front of your aeroplane, but well ahead. If you’ve flown a plane before, forgive me for simplifying this. You’re sat in the cockpit. In front of you, there’s a long runway. You’re scared. There are lights everywhere. You’re nervous. But when air traffic control tells you that you may take off, you take off the brakes, open the throttle (turn the engine to full power), keep checking the temperatures and pressures inside your engine as you start to move, and at all times, you look toward the far end of the runway. Looking down the runway automatically helps you steer in a straight line. Then, when you’ve reached a high enough speed, you pull your stick back and take off. And just for a moment, you realise you are so, so vulnerable and exposed. Anything could go wrong. You might die. And all the time, by looking far ahead, your immediate actions stay aligned with what’s really important. In other words, you constantly balance what you’re doing with why you need to do it. If you thought about all the reasons not to try, you’d get out of the plane and hide in a cupboard. You’d achieve and change nothing. So what can we take from this into loving our loved ones? Reasons not to try are the circle of concern, and looking down the runway and doing what we can in each moment is our circle of influence. In terms of what each of us can bring to the world, where is the end of the runway?

If tomorrow were our last chance to give something to the world, what might we do?

Amid the shouting power of the world this last week, my ears have been opened to some new languages of giving – the languages of love. And they had some fascinating accents. In fact, there were 5 such accents.

On Saturday, we attended a course of a very special kind. It was a ‘Preparation For Marriage’ course organised by the church where my partner and I shall soon marry. As non-Churchgoers, we were nervous about this. Would it be preachy? Would it be about someone trying to get us to see things the way they see them? Trying to persuade us of the beliefs they are so persuaded by? If so, we feared the day might be a long one. But we couldn’t have been more wrong. Because far from it being about “do this, do that”, we were met with a day of passion hosted by a number of couples who have been married for years, who love each other dearly, and who have learned their very own lessons. They spoke about the languages of love. And amid this loveliest of preparations for the privilege of being husband and wife, it struck me that marriage is also a metaphor. Marriage is about the potential of relationships, and which little things we can do that will have a huge impact on how we nurture and nourish those around us. And with each marital lesson-learned, I found myself noticing that the world would love just that little bit more of what makes any marriage successful. So what were these accents?

Accent 1. “Communicate”

One couple after another was shown, with one partner next to the other talking about the impact on their relationship of how they both communicate differently. There were lots of laughs. But each couple had initially done each others’ heads in at times, because what they heard wasn’t quite what they themselves would say. So what was the conclusion?

We should always hear the ‘intention’ of what someone’s trying to say, not the ‘literals’ of what we quickly hear. So, what if we – all of us - each took a little more time for each other and made a point of truly connecting with the intentions behind what people are actually trying to say? What could that unlock in others?

Accent 2. “Resolve conflict”

We human beings are all so very different. We assume that others should be able to ‘get’ us. But they often don’t, even when they try, no matter how clever or sensitive. We human units often move in one gear and the others around us move in another gear. So where’s the clutch? What is that beautiful, virgin middle-ground where we’re both challenged, and we meet each other halfway? How does it make other people feel when they realise that they’re so important to us that we’ll walk into the unknown because of them? And what would motivate them to reciprocate?

Accent 3. “Meet each other’s emotional needs”

If our thinking and actions are so powerfully triggered by our reactions to what we witness, what can we do to not just respond like apes, but to transformationally speak the language of others’ needs? Just how much beautiful improvement can we unlock by simply understanding how others react quietly inside to the little things we do? To us, it’s a foreign language. To them, it’s the most obvious thing in the world. How much power of loving life can we unlock by showing patience and trust while everyone tries to understand each other?

Accent 4. “Build friendship”

If each person perceives ‘friendship’ very differently, how powerful is the potential of these differences? When we hear the word ‘build’, what could happen if we got rid of the limitations we impose on what we create? Is true friendship about what we want, about what others need, or actually, at source, about something we just can’t begin to describe? Language is just a really good tool we’ve created to meet many of the needs we’ve learned to articulate our experiences and responses. So how powerful could friendship be if we enjoyed its true beauty – and didn’t lock it down with words?

Accent 5. “Determine your roles”

What does the word ‘role’ mean? How ‘confirming’ is it? How flexible is it? What kind of ‘role’ should the word ‘role’ actually play? In those very precious last breaths of our beautiful lives, when we look back at everything we’ve done, what will make us smile? What’ll make us feel that we’ve brought something eternally good to the world? Which roles have you chosen so far, which have you played today, and which roles would you love to assume from tomorrow?

Some of us live in the moment. And some of us focus on the potential of future moments. And of course, some of us are too busy looking after allsorts – loved ones? Friends? Reputations, mortgages or just bank balances?  -  to even think about this stuff. So what are we actually, ultimately, at the end of the day, really about? Why bother? Why would those beautiful people of Japan and Libya want their dearly loved ones back? If we’re not about anything at all, why are we still here?  Should we stay? Yes we should. Our runways are long and sometimes full of curves. It’s often not easy to steer straight.  But look down our runways we should. Our lives aren’t permanent. So what would make us feel like we’ve made the world that teeny weeny – massive - bit better? Let’s forget the circle of concern for a moment. Let’s enjoy the power of our very own, very unique circles of influence. Whether you’re Japanese, Libyan, British, European or other… if today were your last day, what would you love the world to thank you for? 

Jonathan

Beyond

What happens when you go beyond? What happens when you let go of all the limitations that have built up inside you over the years, and go beyond to do different?  ‘Beyond’ means a lot of things to a lot of people. But here, we mean the trust, faith, belief, and the instinctive natural confidence that simply knowing that you’re doing the right thing - and being very uniquely you – will make. This last week, it’s struck us how the most impressive people-professionals we know in business are increasingly doing precisely this. 

The head of a European Intelligence service once told me - in German - that the ‘key’ to people is letting them go beyond. I was in my early thirties at the time, so I just listened and nodded. And listened harder. Had I misunderstood the German? He added that people normally only show us what they think we can handle, so what makes a difference is to inspire them to simply show all the  colours of who they truly are. Let them know that everything they are, think and have is not too much for us, but the opposite, show them that we can’t get enough of them. When they show us all, and we appreciate it, they grow, they challenge themselves, and they live differently. Now I’m no psychologist. Nor am I an author. Nor am I an expert in anything. But I’ve thought about this over the years and 3 experiences last week all rang true with his words.

X is a person I’ve written about before.  She’s a person I listen to like no-one else I’ve ever met.  Lisa and I adore her, and she’ll be speaking at our wedding. She challenges the heck out of me without even trying. Each time she speaks, I listen. And I think about what she’s said. And last week, boy, did she tell me off for doing precisely this! Truth is, I deserved it.

I’ve always loved thinking. Thinking’s interesting. I’ve always enjoyed using thinking to open the hidden doors of life that show us something new. I’m not someone who needs to ‘be right’, and I love those constant moments of realisation that there’s something you didn’t take into account when drawing previous conclusions. But…

Last week was a week full of meetings. And 2 of these meetings were with 2 companies that have a particularly special feel about them. They do things a bit differently. And in recent months, the truths of who their people are have leaked right down the phone. When speaking with different people at these businesses, we’ve been treated with a special, consistent warmth and authenticity that you don’t witness everywhere. It left us truly looking forward to meeting the new people we were to meet last week and I was busy thinking about all the different impressive moments I’d witnessed so far with their colleagues. But before one of these meetings, X told me not to think. “I mean it, Mr. Cattell!” she said with a big grin. “Don’t think. Be beyond thought. You’ll love it”. Of course, our business is beyond thought, it’s about energy, and I thought I was already energy’d enough. So it was lovely to be challenged afresh. It was time to be beyond. No thinking allowed.

And as we walked into this meeting (a very well known global business), I thought nothing at all. Nor did those I was with. And what ensued was one of the loveliest, most honest and natural ‘business’ meetings I’ve enjoyed. And guess what – it was so fantastic because the people we were with were simply beyond.

There are some companies you deal with where people seem to define themselves by their role. In a way, it’s understandable. They have to fit in to the business they’re employed by, and they have their functions and areas of responsibility which they have to integrate with those of others. As a consequence, some people communicate in a transactional kind of way. E.g. “I need to understand this and need you to explain that. In return, I can elaborate this and let you digest that. Question, answer, question, answer.  And we are potentially a buyer, and you are potentially somebody we buy from. Need…  requirement…  deliverables…  solution” And from a thinking perspective, that makes a kind of sense. But it stops people being beyond.

 ‘How we think’ and ‘who we are’ are two very distinct things we should never confuse.

And as we sat in this meeting, everyone was beyond. No job titles. No roles. No fixed agenda. Everyone in the room was very highly intelligent. And so intelligence was binned. It was time to be beyond. Time to be more. And for 60 minutes, we all shared the truth and connection behind the energy of people as they grow to excellence in new-challenge environments. It was beyond polite and role. It was a true round-table of people-purity, honesty, blunt realities, the energy of exceptional opportunity and the natural landscape of how people can be when they operate beyond.

It’s not often you come out of a meeting with someone you’ve not met before and feel a new kind of clean. Cleansed. Pure. Connected. And refreshed by the energy of being surrounded by others who operate the way you do - beyond and enjoying every minute of it, and importantly, completely grasping what this will soon be doing for their colleagues. No-one wanted the meeting to end. Y and C, your colleagues are truly fortunate.

And the next day, we went beyond beyond. As we sat waiting for someone we’ve really looked forward to meeting for a long time, we connected with the energy of what she must face. Her business is a global one and we have our own reasons for wanting to connect with them. And as we sat down with this person in this high-rise building in London’s Canary Wharf, we were engulfed by this person’s beyond.

No sooner had we sat down in a room on the x-tieth floor of this building that she immediately spoke truth. Warm and real, she was beyond polite. Beyond ‘very intelligent’, she was authentic, honest, clear and clean. When she spoke of her colleagues, she was smiling. Thinking about them made her happy. She meant every word she used. No wasting time with posturing or her outstanding intellect, simply the truthful beauty of the potential of those around her. She sensed the energy of who people are and of what they can be. Her questions brimmed with a warm grace, recognition and connection with her colleagues that are simply beyond. Not just skills. Not just management. Not just potential. Not just development. But beyond. L, the differences you are going to make will change lives.

There’s nothing wrong with the ‘here’. And we shouldn’t find fault with the ‘now’. But being beyond makes the here and now so infinitely more powerful. when people stop thinking and be beyond, the world changes. Beyond is right in front of us and inside us all the time. And as tempting as it can be to get stuck in thought and find reasons not to go beyond, let’s stop doing it. Beyond is taking the world somewhere. More and more people are seizing their opportunity to transform those they care about by daring to be beyond. People’s beyonds are beyond our words. But when people have the courage to be beyond, they transform the realities of others into something far, far beyond what we currently call living.

Jonathan