Genergy

XXX

Thinking is strange. On the one hand, we need it. Yet the more we think, the more our heads hurt. If we don’t think enough, we don’t understand situations properly. Yet when we think too much, we instantly over-complicate things.  So what is the ‘right’ balance – a ‘healthy’ amount of thinking to do? Just as importantly, what role should thinking and ‘brains’ play in leadership? Is good leadership about doing things in a clever way? The journey to the answer lies in how many X’s you can handle.

The impact of our brains on our behaviours shouldn’t be underestimated. So how do we feed our brains? Here’s what many of us do.… we experience things which we use to create perceptions… then we create ‘information’… then we find a way of understanding this information… we react to it… we make assumptions… then we have a very private response to all this that creates what we call ‘opinions’. Sounds like a straight-forward process, but what does thinking do for leadership?

This last week, the British Defence Minister Dr. Liam Fox has been torn to pieces by the press. The story has gone a little like this… the minister has a close friend. This friend has described himself as an advisor to the Minister when meeting important people in business and around the world. Though not an official representative of the British Government, this man has participated in extensive discussions concerning Government relationships and decision-making. Who was this man? How much did he influence his friend the Minister? Was his presence good or bad? How do we work out ‘right and wrong’ in this situation? Just as importantly, given that the Cabinet Minister – a very clever chap with a PhD – sits right at the core of Britain’s political leadership, how should his boss – the Prime Minister – be a great leader here? What and how should a Prime Minister be thinking during this?

The Minister resigned. But hang on. How many assumptions are we making? How reliable was the information that led to this scandal? How planned was the role of the media? Who benefits from the Minister being removed and replaced by someone else? How certain can we be that what we have now is ‘better’ than what we had before? How powerful is human reaction to incoming information and how easily-to-manipulate do these many sources of information make us? Managing response-to-information is an interesting challenge.

A document released by the British government[1] shows how clever the British Government used to be at managing spies.  In 1939, Britain’s leadership created something called “Security Intelligence Middle East” (SIME). It was run by MI5 officers based in Cairo. This was rapidly followed by the creation of the “Inter-Services Liaison Department” (ISLD), run by MI6 Officers based in Istanbul. Both organisations work to protect British interests. Broadly speaking, MI5 stops people getting up to mischief in Britain, whereas MI6 is responsible for conducting mischief abroad. Of course, these lines sometimes became blurred, so the political leadership then created something called “SIME Special Section”, which contained officers from both services.

SIME Special section created a leadership group called the ‘Twenty Committee’, also written as the “XX Committee”. This contained some very clever people. As you might be able to guess, the role of this “XX Committee” was to devise clever ways of getting enemy spies to “Double-Cross” (XX) their own people. In other words, they used to catch the spies of their enemies (Nazi Germany then later the Soviet Union etc) then ‘turn’ these agents into ‘Double-Agents’, meaning that these enemy spies instead began serving Britain while pretending to be Britain’s enemy. These Double-Agents clearly betrayed those who trusted them. All the time, they had to pretend to hate Britain.  

Imagine what would have happened if the Media had got hold of this, received only half the truth about this and splashed the half-news across TV screens. Like headlines, how many Leadership decisions are made and opinions formed with only part of the needed information?

The Thirty Committee (“XXX Committee”) took things even further.  More than ‘Double-Crossing’ their enemy, the XXX Committee ‘Triple-crossed’ the enemy. They did some really clever disinformation. When Britain’s own spies were captured and the enemy tried to turn them into Double-Agents working for Britain’s enemy, Britain would then turn them back again. In other words, the enemy would THINK the spy was originally working for the UK, they’d THINK the spy had been convinced to betray Britain, but all the time, the information being passed by the spy to Britain’s enemy was created by British Intelligence in such a way that the enemy would make poor decisions, while THINKING they were being really clever. Britain’s XXX Committee was blooming clever. They came up with the sneakiest of ways of saving British lives by disinforming Britain’s enemies. They created false spy networks and ways of disinforming the enemy that make your head hurt. One of their operations (“Operation STIFF”) even involved them dressing a corpse in a military uniform and breaking the corpse’s neck, before strapping the corpse into a faulty parachute and throwing it out of an aircraft over enemy territory. The corpse was armed with ‘real’ codes which enabled the enemy, once the body had been discovered (and assumed to have been killed while parachuting), to intercept “secret” British communications. The communications were of course entirely false, but the enemy didn’t know that. The enemy made decisions based on false information and lives were saved.

In the world of Defence and Security, Secret Agents need to cross (X) people. Double agents need to double-cross (XX) people. And Triple Agents need to triple-cross (XXX) people. How much farther can this go? And just as importantly, how many of these X’s can your head deal with?

Few of us are spies, but how much information and thinking do we allow ourselves to get bogged down with? How many X's do we introduce into our lives? What happens when we think? And when we think about what others are thinking? What about when we think about how others think we might be thinking? And should we be thinking about how to influence how others could possibly be made to think if we just start thinking a bit differently? Thinking about thinking provokes thought.

Head hurting yet?  Leadership isn’t about thinking, so what’s the best way of leading people? What else is it that makes some people great at leadership?

Forget the X’s. Stop thinking. Turn off your mind. Ditch the words. Throw your postgraduate Degrees away. Stop reasoning. Bin the balanced consideration. Put down that Sudoku… give up trying to explain, justify or riposte.

Just be you.

There’s nothing quite like you. The way you are, the ways in which you behave, they all make the biggest difference. Your instincts are exceptional. Just forget using language to describe them. Don’t think about it. Forget the interpretations, descriptions and perceptions of others. Just be.

If you’re a leader and want to do a great job, it’s easier than you think….

Be what you want to see. It’s a no-brainer.

:-) Jonathan X

 

[1] PRO KV4/197

 

Best worst

Some days define life. They create smiles when least expected. You know those days… when only once things have gone ‘wrong’ that we realise that they couldn’t possibly have gone better? Those moments are precious for our learning… when you think you’ll only be satisfied if something goes a certain way. But then it doesn’t. Yet you’re even happier. What can be learned about how we human beings attach ourselves to a desired outcome? It’s a big question. The answer is… dog-poo bags.

How many days of your life have been spent hoping, really hoping, for a particular outcome with something?  Perhaps with a big project?  A deal you’ve been putting your heart and soul into? Putting an offer in for a house you’d love? Someone you’ve asked out on a date? A particular present for Christmas? Good news about the health of someone important to you?

On those many days, what happened to you while you hoped?  Tension, excitement, hope, desire, curiosity, expectation, impatience, aspiration, dependency, more hope? How much energy did this use? And what difference did it make?

Last week, our day went wrong in a huge way.  Nothing we wanted happened. Everything went wrong. We’ll never, ever forget the day. It was awful. It was simply perfect bliss.

Lisa and I are expecting our first baby. We’re just weeks away, and just recently, we’ve been busy. We’ve been attending ante-natal classes and NCT like there’s no tomorrow. We’ve met some very genuine people experiencing similar moments to us, and it’s all pretty exciting. And as many of you will know, when you’re only weeks away, you’ve just completed the decorating, nursery-furnishing, house-alterations and priority shifts. If you’re not careful, it’s easy to tire yourself out even before the baby arrives. So last week, we decided to have a day off.

After our bacon-and-eggs-in-luxury-bread-rolls start to the day, Lisa suddenly had an urgent beauty to her face. There’s a beach we’ve heard of on the south coast. Everyone raves about it. We’ve been raising a young Golden Labrador (“Rosie”) for just over a year, so we thought taking her for a walk along this hidden beach would be an experience to remember. Lisa just came out with it:

“Babe… shall we scrap the day? Shall we? Do you remember that beach everyone’s been on about? Once the baby’s born, it’ll be months before we can decide anything in the moment…. Sod it… Shall we?”

It was last week during the heat-wave. The sun was shining, the day was glorious and for the first time in my life, I ignored the alarm bells in the back of my head. Google told us the beach was only 75 minutes away by car. We packed our beautiful doggy into the car and off we went.  And as we set off, everything seemed ok.

It was only when we were 6 miles away that things started going wrong.

Our hour and a quarter journey turned into 3 and a quarter hours. Like us, everyone else in England wanted to go to the beach too. It’s a remote beach, so there were no cafés en route. How was our Labrador doing in the back of the car in this heat? Did she still have enough water? And my pregnant wife… how was she? Was her stomach OK? And her back? Did she still have enough snacks? Would she get stressed? And THAT question… might she start having contractions in the car in the middle of this traffic jam in the middle of nowhere???

But the more we waited, the more we talked. The more we talked, the more we connected. Talking about our baby. Smiling remembering our wedding, laughing at the moments we’ve shared since we’ve been together. Feeling those same moments we did as we walked along the beach together when we first met. And talking. Really, truly talking.

Half of Sussex awaited us at the beach. There were millions of people. I’ve not ever seen a British beach like it. Not a spare square-metre in sight. And while I rapidly scanned the miles of beach for somewhere for my pregnant wife to sit, the sun beat down. And every child in England wanted to stroke our dog. Our golden labrador isn’t used to that many people, and she’s a blatant flirt. So surrounded by children, with the energy of fun and excitement everywhere, she suddenly pulled with new force and her lead snapped. She was gone. Children were chasing her, so was I and as I looked back at the beach from the water, my pregnant wife was on her own, standing, in the extreme heat.  I had to get back to her. I had to save our little dog (could she swim?). And as I ran to my wife, she laughed and pulled out the camera. She was fine. She was smiling But where was the dog?

This was awful. Why hadn’t we just stayed at home and switched off for the day?

I found the dog. She was in the sea in the middle of 20 or so young children. They loved her. She loved that they loved her. She was loving their attention. And as the children stared, stroked and cooed, their parents surrounded their children, enjoying the beautiful, mad doggy in the middle. I needed to look after my wife, so I had to first get our dog back. I got to the middle of the group of admirers, and held our Rosie carefully. And just as the 30/40 people around us tried to tell me how lovely Rosie was, Rosie decided to squat and share her breakfast of earlier that day with everyone around her.

You can only imagine what kind of pandemonium followed. It was like something out of ‘Jaws’. And as the waves crashed, everyone ran. Children screaming, parents saving their little ones. Only I remained. Running through the water, with poo bags in hand. Trying to scoop up. Desperately trying to look in control. And as everyone stared from the shore, there was the most beautiful smile. It was part of the most beautiful laugh. It was my heavily pregnant wife… taking photos. And as the shame, horror and sweat engulfed me, I started laughing too.

The shame. We had to leave the beach. Our dog didn’t understand what she’d done wrong. My wife was thirsty. She was hot. Our dog wanted to give more love. Why wasn’t she allowed to? And once we’d reached the front of the 30 minute queue at the only cafeteria, a young lad doing his very best in English told us there was at least a 1 hour wait for any food. We decided to just go home. And it took us 45 minutes just to get out of the car park.

The journey home lasted 3 hours. The day had been one stressful disaster after another. That’s why it was brilliant.

Ever since leaving home, we’d been talking. There’d been constant giggles, smiles and laughter from my wife. We’d enriched even further our connection as a couple and as parents-to-be. Our Labrador Rosie had experienced love and attention she’d never dared dream of… and she’d learned to swim! My partner had had laughed and laughed and laughed. And all the way home, we knew we’d had the best worst day you could dream of.

Life is a privilege. It doesn’t last forever. Yet it gives us the opportunity to enjoy moments that feel purely eternal. We simply have to be real enough and switched on as people to notice these moments as they occur. When we appreciate what we have while we have it, days feel fuller. They feel like the very gift they are.  We human beings thrive on ideas, plans, and intentions. And they’re good to have. But knowing when to let go is crucial to our growth. No matter how amazing our initial ideas are, something better is always waiting for us. And when we’re big enough to let go of our initial thinking, the smiles, laughs, beauty and dog-poo bags change our life forever.

:-) Jonathan 

Spiders

Everything is here for at least one reason. Everything happens for at least one reason. Sometimes, the reason can take a while to show itself. And sometimes, we’re so busy focusing on other things - our ‘priorities’, that we can miss the subtle moments of learning that reveal themselves each day. Finally last week, after 38 years of torture, I overcame my biggest lifelong fear. And it took a woman to show me the way. She was an incredible woman. She had unforgettable legs. They went all the way up… all eight of them. 

Fear is a powerful thing. It brims with energy, it transforms us in a blink, it sets us alight and triggers our radar at full tilt. And few things ignite- and energise us more than our desire to run, hide, self-preserve and close ourselves down. So what if… instead of allowing fear to use our energy to shut us down, we used it to make us quickly grow? 

How many things have we been scared of over the years? The bogeyman… barking dogs… the monsters in Doctor Who… ‘Chuckie’-type dolls and clowns… heights… wasps… snakes… trigonometry? And what threat did any of these things actually pose? What harm could they ever really have done us? There’s an expression in English – irrational fear – this implies there isn’t a logical explanation for the fear. Threat is a question of perception, but fear is never irrational. We always have a logic behind our fears, but our logics are like our languages… each person’s functions differently, and we need to learn it to understand it. But what is the opportunity in fear? 

Imagine for a second. You’re three years old. You’re in bed, drifting off to sleep. When all of a sudden, this huge monster-thing you’ve never seen before comes out of nowhere and runs across your legs. You scream out loud, shout for your mum, she runs up the stairs, removes it, strokes your head and tells you not to worry - it was only a ‘spider’.

“Spider”… “Spider”… “Spider”. Even at an early age, some words, you couldn’t forget if you tried. I didn’t sleep that night. And during the childhood years, each and every time I saw a spider, my heart would race, my mind would accelerate, I’d run, scream and then I’d freeze. No matter what, the spider needed to go. I would do anything for the person who got rid of it. Spider-removal became like a black-market commodity, like a drug, some sort of addiction… something I’d do anything for.

Yet all the time, you knew it was ridiculous. Your head knew the spider didn’t mean any harm and couldn’t harm you if it tried. You knew that it was more terrified of you – at 3000 times its size – than you should ever be of it. But your head wasn’t in control… your fear-instinct was. You hated your fear, you knew it was holding you back, you knew it wasn’t right. But you also knew that in those moments, you are more alert, aware and responsive than at any other time. What if you could feel like this whenever you wanted, just for all the right reasons?

As the adult years arrived and began to move swiftly by, I loved having a go at the ‘fears’, ‘scary things’ and the ‘impossibles’. My career started in Officer Training with the British Military. I’d been awarded a few scholarships by the RAF while still at school and what had driven me to apply was the realisation that they would be impossible to get. But I got them. I accidentally destroyed (oops) a military aircraft one day then climbed aboard another the very next day to address any fear.  While a student and working at a luxury campsite in France, I one day had to calm down an elderly Dutch lady by catching a snake with my bare hands next to her caravan. I was terrified of snakes. But so was she.  And no sooner had I caught it that she told me she would only be able to sleep if I cut its head off with the lady’s own breadknife. How on earth would I handle this? It took me 25 minutes pretending to kill that snake before I disappeared with it in a bag, with me shaking and truly terrified.  Address the fear. When after university, I applied for jobs that wanted mother-tongue German speakers (I’m British), I knew they’d be impossible to get, so I applied. And I got them. And I gave up my early career to investigate MI6 and Austria. Everybody told me it was impossible. So I did my best. And it went well. Address the impossible. Address the fear.

‘Fears’ and ‘impossibles’ are something I’ve always loved. So what on earth was different about spiders?

It was last week that I found the answer.  It was a huge spider that showed me the way. And my wife who’s expecting our first child in the month ahead.

“Jonathan!” came the shout. Was the baby coming? Was something wrong? When I got upstairs, everything was ok. But my wife was pointing and stressed. She’d found a spider. A huge one. Huge. She was terrified. And it was a seriously fast mover.

It was big. My stomach turned over the way it has for 38 years. But then I looked around. My wife was terrified. The spider was terrified. Would this be showing our baby how to be terrified too? Is that what we want? What do we want this energy to do for us? And as I looked, I wondered why so many of us would hit this little thing with a shoe. We human beings need to move away from destroying things we don’t like. And all of a sudden, without seeing it coming, I had immediate access to all the memories and moments throughout my life when a spider had suddenly arrived. The countries I’d lived in, the friends I’d known, the places where I’d belonged, the smells, the faces, the memories.

And then it dawned on me. This fear wasn’t about the spider. This fear I’d had my whole life was simply about me needing privacy.  To be able to remember and enjoy the moments of my own life in a special way from time to time by freezing out the present. Fear provided true privacy. And I’d simply been using the spider.

For the first time in my life, I picked up this terrified huge tiny thing, opened the window, let it out safely so that it didn’t get hurt, then I smiled. I wanted our baby to feel the energy created when her daddy protects tiny things that are scared. And I wanted to remove the assumption that fear is followed by destruction. And when fear arises in the future, where possible, I want to now immediately sense its opportunities, not its limiting assumptions.

Hungry lions hurt. So do cars that hit us at speed. And falling off a tall bridge hurts too. Some fears are understandable… threat is out there. But how many of our fears, nervousness and worries actually pose no threat whatsoever? How much of our worrying is actually attention-seeking? 

How many of the things we’re scared of or worried about create an energetic reaction that’s difficult to explain? When we choose to experience-  then use fear-energy differently, our life turns a corner.  When we choose to grow and be bigger, fear feels different. It fires us up with a sense of opportunity to behave beyond our past. When instead of thinking about it too much, instead of repeating the way we behaved when we were 3, we choose to challenge ourselves by not thinking anymore, not worrying anymore, not pausing anymore, but instead just doing it – picking up the huge spider – our roles change. We start to sense opportunity everywhere. And the ripple this creates flows across our whole life. So this week, take a moment to challenge yourself to enjoy some fear. Go and find something scary. If you're initially hesitant, connect with how you’ll feel once you’ve done it. Scare yourself. Then enjoy how much better life will permanently feel from then on knowing you've moved on.

(p.s. The spider world wanted to thank me for our newly-signed peace treaty. By way of thanks, the Ambassador below popped in to say hello just this morning. We shook hands and I measured him. 13cms. I'm serious. Thank GOD the fear has gone.)

:-) Jonathan

Tasting Truth

Your truth makes a difference. Honesty’s a good thing, but truth means more. It’s about who you really are and how you’ve evolved as a result of what you’ve been through. For years, many people hide from the truth of who they are. Some people do it their whole lives. But just recently, an impressive person showed us the truth of who she is. We felt what it was like to be her. And it was the purest of privileges.

Being ‘ourselves’ is a curious challenge. If we’re constantly evolving, which bits stay the same and define who we are… and which bits are the temporary things that we can – and sometimes should - make changes to? What is our 'truth'?

Let’s first take a look at the impact a person’s honesty can have on us.

Think back to the last time you were in the company of someone being dishonest with you. It might have been a salesman using their upper facial muscles or exaggerating their intonation that bit too much; it might have been someone covering up their embarrassment about why they haven’t delivered to agreed expectations; it might even have been a mischievous three year old learning the language of deceit… it might have been anyone really. They’re convinced they’re convincing you. But what happened to you as you heard the fibs? And as you listened, what happened to your respect for them? What happened to your belief in what they stood for? And how soon did you want to remove this person from your reality? And what about the last time you were in someone’s company where… well… for some reason… without really knowing why… something wasn’t quite right... you simply didn’t trust them… but couldn’t work out why?

Now forget the above. Bin it. Instead, imagine the opposite. Instead of thinking about the honesty of what people are ‘saying’, let’s now think about the honesty of who someone’s actually ‘being’.

There’s a special business we know. They’ve rapidly climbed to the top half of The Times Top 100 list of companies to work for, and my instinct is that that’s where they’ll stay for a long time to come. Their offering is exceptionally popular. But it’s not only that that really sets them apart. You get a sense of them as soon as you walk through their doors. You very quickly notice senior Directors holding open the doors for the younger staff. You hear people laughing out loud. Really loud. Without analysing, you can’t help noticing people’s healthy body posture, how there’s real intonation in people’s voices, how the smiles are from the core, and how very few people seem to be walking around on their own. These people were different. You didn’t need to analyse it, you could just feel that things work differently there. And it’s no surprise their business is going from one success to another.

And as we sat down to meet with them again in recent weeks, something happened. You could feel it very quickly. It was nourishing.

We’d been chatting only for a few minutes when a special moment thrust itself into the open. While talking about what we were meeting to discuss, it suddenly became clear that all three of us had been through something similar in our lives. In our earlier careers, we’d each gone the corporate route and reached that point in your 20s or 30s where you lie awake at night weighing things up something like this: “If I stay here, my future’s secure. I love the people here. And there’s some challenge to keep things interesting. But is this really what I want to be doing with the one life I’ve got”?

And all of a sudden, the conversation became about truth.

One after the other, we all opened up about why we’d left the businesses around the world we’d worked so hard to do well in. There was nothing wrong with these businesses, but that life simply hadn’t been ‘us’. We were suddenly laughing out loud while hearing each other talk about those moments when you’re giving it all up and your closest friends are asking whether you’re serious. And those moments when once you’ve given it all up and you say to yourself “bloody heck”. And then the laughs were replaced with the warmest smiles. We each remembered that first moment when that thing happened that rewarded the brave decision to give it all up, to move on, to do what we’re truly about. When you feel truer than you’ve ever felt.

And this transformed the discussion. In contrast to those times when you attend meetings and the discussion’s like a kind of Q & A session, this discussion was rare in its healthiness. As we discussed their business, their successes, their experiences and their plans, we saw everything through the truth of the passion for the business of this person.

This person was being her own truth. Nothing was being ‘presented’ or ‘delivered’. Instead, she was guiding us through their company’s passion, exploring it with us, seeing opportunities for the first time as we together talked things through, walking through the landscape of their truest, realisable potential. She shared with frankness the moments when she suddenly saw a new strain of buzzing potential for the first time. We felt the thoroughness of her intellect, the clarity of her vision and the honesty of her awareness, and as we explored the energy of their business’s future through the energy of her own connection with it, some things didn’t make sense initially. All the time, she was being completely real and true.

Yet as we looked around the truth of the energy of their people, it didn’t take long for everything to fall into place and for ways through challenges to be found. Answers sometimes took a moment to come. Conclusions also sometimes took a minute or two. But all the way through, you knew she was devoted to the truest, real growth of the colleagues she was passionate about. Some people talk about intentions, but this person was pulling together in real-time how to soon make things happen. And all the time, she was speaking the truth of their people. She was alive. She was real. She was true. She was the kind of person many businesses will never find. She was different. She was committed. She was her.

And as we said goodbye, Lisa and I had a new taste in our mouths. It was the taste of this company’s passion and energy. The taste is still there. And it tastes truly good.

When we’re true, people taste it. When we’re passionate about the commitments we’re making, people sense it. They sense its realness and they instinctively feel its truth. When we don’t always make sense straight away because we’re so busy enjoying being passionate about our truth that we don’t really know how to explain it, it unlocks new truth in others. It makes them feel alive. When people sense the truth of our aliveness, they feel alive too. When we’re being our truth, we ignite each other. And when we’re so alive that our passions are simply part of who we’re here to be, it makes a difference. A massive difference. It’s a difference which, without being true, we couldn’t make even if we tried our hardest.

Being your truth - not just speaking it - makes the world different. It makes lives better. And the more of your truth you show, the more people will listen. Enjoy each day of your own personal truth this week. It’ll inspire the rest of us.

:-) Jonathan

the 'C' word

Just recently, lots of people have started using a powerful word in a new way. Some people would say it’s a bad word. In fact, many people think it’s a vulgar word. It strikes disgust into the hearts of many professionals who hear it, and upon hearing it, some cower with revulsion. Inside businesses these last few years, life’s been especially challenging, and so this word’s recently started getting used much more. But is this word really as dreadful as people fear? The word is one you know… it’s the ‘C’ word…. Change.

What does ‘change’ mean? True, it depends on the context of its use. And true, the power of any word is in what you personally hear rather than what was said. But why do so many people have a silent negative reaction whenever they hear from their business that they need to change something about themselves? Isn’t change simply philosophical and dependent on perspectives? Or does it actually have a clear meaning?

This all started a short while ago during a meeting with a senior Director we know at a large business. His people have been working particularly hard recently. A few years ago, their leadership had reacted quickly to the financial downturn by trying to turn their business into a kind of ‘lean, mean, fighting machine’.  This made sense at the time. Their trading environment was changing, their competitors were adapting, and so it was logical to change the way the business met the needs of its existing and future customers. To ensure the business responded well – and quickly – to the changing business environment, ensuring people wouldn’t lose their jobs, their people needed to change too. They thought this seemed reasonable. It was logical, wasn’t it? And for a short while, the business responded well. Until, that is, a few things started happening.

First, their most promising people left to join other businesses. Sure, he said, businesses will always lose people, but they couldn’t work out why it was only the very best who were leaving. Then, the company’s performance weakened faster than the performance of its competitors. Why? Change was logical, wasn’t it? They’d done everything right, so why was it all going wrong? It was apparently only one morning when a long-serving manager spoke up that the company’s leadership began to understand – and listen. According to this manager, people there had always been ‘bubbly’. They’d always thanked each other, looked each other in the eye, smiled and asked how each other’s children were doing. But nowadays, no-one even said thank you anymore. They didn’t look like they enjoyed each other anymore. They didn’t even seem to enjoy being themselves anymore.  And they were scared and nervous all the time. They were nervous about what their bosses would demand of them next. She said it felt like they wanted to give their minimum but present it as their maximum. What she’d always loved about this business was that people were encouraged to be themselves. But that had gone. So had all the best people. So too had the great results the business had always achieved.

In summary, this Director asked us… how can you change the way people change as a result of change? He then asked… what is it about the need for change that closes good people down?

Last week, we were with another impressive business. It’s a business most people will have brought something from in the last month or so. During our conversation, the person we were with just happened to mention that developing their people properly is crucial, but there was a building, unspoken fear of ‘change’. We commented that in our experience, people respond best – and most effectively - to change when they don’t realise change is the objective.

So where does this fear of change come from? What hidden messages is the ‘C’ word sending us? Is ‘change’ really just a ‘work’ thing? When we hear ‘change’, are we actually hearing something else?

Let’s take the ‘C’ word away from work for a moment. Let’s look at it another way.

It’s late one evening. You’re lying in bed, next to your partner, reading. Suddenly, he/she closes their book, takes off their glasses, looks at you, then it comes out. “Darling, I love you. Thank you for all these years we’ve shared together. The thing is, the person you are is no longer good enough for me. You used to be good enough, but you’re not anymore. Everything you are simply isn’t what I need from now on. Even the dog doesn’t like you anymore. You’ve got a chance though - it’s up to you - if you change quickly into what I need you to be, we’ll stay together. Thanks babe. Good luck. Goodnight.” What kind of night’s sleep would this give you? And how would you feel the next night in bed before the lights go out? And how would you feel each and every time your partner started to speak from then on?

Hmmmm.

What if it were just done a little differently? Imagine the same scenario, then he/she speaks. “Darling, I love you.  Thank you for all these years we’ve shared together. Have you any idea how much of a difference you make to my life each and every day? There are so many things you do that you don’t even see anymore, but I notice them all. And each time you do them, it’s like the first day we met. I adore you. And I know we’ve been through some tough times recently. You’ve been incredible for me. You have made the most massive difference to what we’re achieving. I couldn’t have done any of this without you and I can’t thank you enough. There’s a special way in which I’d like to say thank you tomorrow. We haven’t done it before and I just wanted to surprise you with something we can have fun with tomorrow. Come here gorgeous, shall we have a laugh tomorrow and give it a go?”

Now (ahem), what happens next in this scenario once the light gets turned off is ENTIRELY your own business. But which scenario would get the best out of you the next day?

The word ‘Change’ sends people many messages.  People can hear ‘you’re not good enough’; they can hear ‘if you’re not completely different really soon, you’ll have to go’; they can hear ‘panic!’; they can hear ‘you’d better not fail’, and they can hear ‘you can never, ever again relax and you’ll never be able to guess what’s waiting for you around the corner’. So why not change ‘change’?

When people are buzzing, when they’re inspired, when they are recognised, when they are on fire, when they know they’re making a unique difference, when they pick up that their colleagues are feeling it too, and when there’s something new they’re unlocking in themselves and others, they don’t even see ‘change’. They’re so busy enjoying their connection with what they’re doing and what’s important to them, that it’ll only be later that they look back and realise something big has happened. And they’ll look back smiling. So let’s change the ‘C’ word. Let’s create something more electric into which we can slip the required change, so that people enjoy the difference. Make necessary change the powerful consequence of what people do, rather than the objective of what they’re doing. All people can quickly make the most extraordinary change happen if you observe some simple rules:  don’t use the ‘C’ word... always create buzz… and let them know that who they already are is more than people could wish for.

Now, let’s get that light out… and let’s have a cracking week.

Goodnight.

Jonathan

 

Enjoyable you

How much of you do you let others enjoy? We people can be strange, fascinating things. We each have our own reality and each one of us sees things in a slightly different way. The way we respond to the world around us is deeply unique too. Some speak, some paint, some moan, some cook, some write and others just get on with it.  But even more fascinating can be not what we see in others, but what we allow others to see of us. How much do we show… and how much do we hold back? 

What does it feel like when you notice yourself holding something back? Perhaps in a conversation, perhaps because you don’t know the person you’re talking to very well, perhaps there’s something on your mind, perhaps because they’re cleverer than you, perhaps they’re hard work, perhaps you just want to listen. And at the same time, what’s it like when you’re in the company of somebody who won’t stop speaking their opinion, who’s throwing their perspective at you, needing you to listen, to hear, to be just as persuaded by that perspective as they are? Ever find yourself holding back - thinking it’s not worth saying anything? How many reasons can there be why we don’t show ourselves fully? When we think something, but don’t say it? But what’s it like when we’re with someone who does the opposite… who couldn’t hold back if they tried?

Alex is someone I’ve seen only three times in 15 years. And each and every time I’ve thought about him, I’ve always found myself smiling. And it’s a fun smile. There’s just something about this man that makes you smile without realising. And on Thursday, I saw Alex for the first time in 9 years and introduced him to my wife. We couldn’t stop smiling.

To be frank, I didn’t know whether my wife and he would ever meet. I used to tell Lisa she couldn’t meet Alex. Reason being, women have always found Alex abnormally attractive. When at university together, I’d hide my smiles as women of all kinds would constantly stand near him blushing. They’d try so hard to not do the things young women do when they fancy a man. And he had absolutely no idea they thought he was gorgeous. Very good-looking, he was one of those rare, brilliant types of men who didn’t behave with ego. He was enough of a man not to need to show you how much of a man he was.

This man was a real man. He was human first, male second. He didn’t talk rubbish or try to convince people of his brains, ‘hardness’ or ‘coolness’. And he never did that thing that men do when they’re stood having a beer – the way they subconsciously stand equidistant from the guys they’re with. He looked people squarely in the face as he listened and spoke. Not once did I ever hear him build himself up by putting others down or criticising people. All the time, he was either smiling or just fascinated by what was going on.  He was fascinated by everything that happened in the world. Each experience, each person, each joke, each memory. It was like each day of his life was his first. And as he’d tell you about what he had in his sandwich for dinner last night, he’d be smiling. And everybody listening would be smiling too. Just without realising. Don’t get me wrong, Alex was a bright man with a clear mind. He just enjoyed the things the rest of us had got used to. And he loved sharing the details of what he enjoyed. He enjoyed living and showing the world how much he appreciated it. Good grief did women adore this man. And good grief did we all enjoy him.

When I was with him on his graduation day, he shared something. “Mate, I wish I could meet a really nice woman. I just don’t seem to be able to attract women properly. Not the right kind. But I’m going to travel the world for a while and live my life rather than look for her – if she exists, that is.” And then he began talking about something else he’d found interesting that day.

Months later, while in Australia, he found a temporary job and was loving things over there. One day, he hadn’t had a shower, he was looking a bit dishevelled, he was tired and he was just minding his own business. And as he sat, a girl from another country he’d been working with for months and got on brilliantly with strolled over. She sat talking about how great the day was. Then out of the blue, she asked him to marry her. They moved to Colorado and they’ve been happily married ever since. And they now have a lovely young son.

With 9 years having passed since the last time I saw him, we met up last Thursday evening. Would he still speak with a strong Welsh accent? How much would he have changed? What would he be like now? Would the maturing process, husbandry and fatherhood have changed the man I used to know?

As my wife and I arrived, the broadest grin was waiting. He hadn’t changed one bit. Sure, the Welsh sounds more American, but the man is still the smiling, fascinated, brilliant example of a human being I always knew. His excitement at being with his wife every day came across immediately.  Whether he was talking about snowboarding, their marriage or the cake we were eating, his voice and face oozed appreciation for what life has blessed him to enjoy. I sat connected with all this, enjoying him once more, and then the penny dropped.

His gorgeous wife, his lovely son, his many, many friends who adore this mate of ours, the many women who couldn’t stop staring all those years ago, the many of our friends who  always enjoyed being with him, the many smiles we’ve constantly all shared in his absence while we’ve been remembering our time with him. All of these smiles are there because of who he is. He lets the world see him. He doesn’t hold back or try and be something he’s not, or waste his time with guile or moaning. He doesn’t waste his life getting bogged down managing how others perceive him. He’s one of the best examples of a human being I’ve ever known. He enjoys himself. He lets others enjoy him. And by enjoying him, the people around him become more confident and enjoy being themselves more.

It can seem like there are many reasons not to show others our many sides. Whether it’s self-preservation, desire for privacy or something else, not letting others see a bit more of us is a missed opportunity. When people see those parts of our characters that many people hide, it encourages them to have a go too. If you’re reading this, please know something important: You are more enjoyable than you could possibly imagine. The more you show of yourself, the more others will be able to enjoy. You have so many qualities that others appreciate and would love to see more of. And when you let people truly enjoy you, it sends them a powerful message: they’re pretty damn enjoyable too.

 

Jonathan

Yestoday

Old friends give us so much.  They share our memories, they’ve watched us grow, we’ve watched them learn, we’ve been each other’s rocks for years, and we’ve often shared so many experiences together. They know us in ways other good friends don’t, and we’ve learned from them in ways we don’t often understand until much later. Our old friends can be part of the foundations of our life. So what does it mean when we all of a sudden meet up with them again after not seeing each other for some time, and their behaviours are very different? On Friday, I found out.

There’s a man I’ve known for 13 years. I met him for the first time when I started a new job in Switzerland. It was a fantastic job and an exciting time. And on day 1, I was introduced to this man. British, he was straight-forward, intelligent, unassuming and very funny. He was one of our business’s senior Directors, but what made him truly rare was that he spoke to you not through his job title, but from the core of who he’d been while growing up. And as the new arrival, you noticed that whenever people were in this man’s company, they seemed  to just show a little more of themselves than they did with others. There was something special.

This man was 15 years older than me. He’d been in Switzerland for a number of years and though not a keen linguist, he’d loved fitting in, finding his groove and showing people the friendliness of who he truly is. As many of you will know, starting a completely new job in a country you’ve not been to before where they speak a language you’ve not used before can be a daunting experience. It can take time to learn the cultural assumptions and sense the unspoken with the people you meet. But this man had something special. He’d help us. He’d guide us, he’d have fun with us, encourage us and give us loads of stick when we made mistakes and got things wrong, just always with a smile coming. He was many different men at the same time. He was an unexpected mix of Director, best friend, someone you looked up to, an older brother, a father, and an inspiration of the kind I hadn’t known men to be.

How he became these things I’ll never know. His father had died when my friend was only very young. As the man of the house before the age of 10, he had to fend for himself in quite a big way. And as he’d worked his socks off to create a career and a future for himself, it made him stand out and not quite fit in anymore. Apparently, lads who wanted to be cool and hard didn’t do these things. So without his dad, and with his friendship circles constantly changing, he’d got his head down and worked hard.

And what was so rare about this man was that whenever he listened to people, he was truly listening. He listened in 9 different ways at the same time. He’d listen to what they were saying. He’d listen to what they weren’t saying. He’d listen to what had created the very person they were. And he’d listen to what, who and how the person talking could one day be.  Some people listen only with their ears, but not this man.

It’s often said that the way we treat others is a ‘tell’ – a cue – for how we’d actually like others to treat us. What did this man want? He’d had fast cars, a passion for excellent cuisine and wines, a successful life. But over a couple of years, I found myself increasingly wondering… are we being for this man what he is being for us? What is he looking for? Is he happy? This never went away.

In the end, we parted company. He started a new job with a new company in the UK, and I left my role to start some research. To be honest, I got swallowed up by it and ended up submerged in my work. I didn’t keep in regular touch. Over the years, he and I would meet up briefly, sporadically, just for an evening. And with me locked in my serious world of research, I didn’t notice him properly. Perhaps I was being a bit self-absorbed, but it felt like something was missing in my friend. Something wasn’t quite ‘gone’, but something was no longer the way it had been years previously. True, we weren’t as connected anymore, we no longer knew the ins and outs of each other’s lives and we didn’t know what the other was going through. But something had changed. What was it?

Having seen my friend only 3 times in the last 7 years, he joined us at my wedding 4 months ago. And something was different. He looked younger, he was slimmer, there was an energy in his face like when I first met him. He was still. And as he spoke, he was smiling. Not a social smile, but a real one. The kind of smile you don’t even know you have. What had happened?

Apparently, he’d had a very tough year. A few things had gone quite wrong for him. Why was he smiling? And as I listened, I felt guilty for not being the friend he might have needed. But all of a sudden, his smile broadened even further. And he said it. “I’ve never, ever been this happy.” So I listened. “Jonathan, I’m me again”.

I needed to meet him again. Properly this time. So on Friday night, we met up.

As I arrived, something was different. As this man spoke, there was a clean, simple purity about him. No big words, no detailed memories, not a single unkind word about the things that have happened to him, no ego anywhere, and no disappointment or resentment that we’d lost touch. He was calm, smiling, connected and feeling buzzingly, sustainably vibrant. What was it?

I asked him what’s happened to make him ‘him’ again and so truly happy. He laughed.

“It’s the beginning of my second week.” came his reply.  He’d remembered the summer holidays you went on when younger. And in the first week, you’re so busy loving your holiday, having fun, building sandcastles, riding your bike, eating nice food, standing excited in the queue before buying that huge ice-cream, that you didn’t realise the holiday couldn’t last forever. But when the second week arrived, you knew you only had a few more days left. You’d cram everything in. Enjoy each and every moment. And do all the things you wanted your holiday to be about. You didn’t waste a moment. You’d get up earlier and go to bed later. Each day couldn’t possibly contain enough things to do. And time was running out. “When I’m at the end of this holiday of life, I don’t want to be thinking about the yesterdays, regrets or things I haven’t done. Every day, I want to feel today is the best day I’ve had. My life’s now about saying yes today.”

Passions ignite our lives. We all have different priorities, beliefs and commitments. But what are those things that make us smile inside and out without even knowing we’re doing it? And how does it make us feel when there’s something in our today that makes us feel alive in the purest way? What can we say ‘yes’ to today that will give us the day we deserve, need and truly cherish?

Dave, have a fantastic second week. In case we haven’t said it, all of us are loving our holiday even more simply because you’re in it.

Jonathan

Men, Women and Manners

When was the last time an attractive stranger walked up to you out of the blue, smiled, and solved your problem? Think back… what did it do to your day? What if it happened today? It happened to me on Friday. Not only did she solve my problem, she thanked me for the opportunity to do so. What was it all about? It was the sudden answer to a question that’s stuck with me for years. What are 'manners'?

People’s manners are fascinating. Manners can tell you so much about a person. Your own reaction to others’ manners can also tell you alot about yourself. Excessive politeness can be irritating for some, but we’re also quick to notice when someone’s manners are awful. So what are ‘manners’? Let’s be careful as we answer this… manners are so often completely misunderstood.

Remember when you were 3 years old? Do you remember those moments when your mum or dad would tell you to speak ‘properly’? “No… Can I have a biscuit PLEASE?”. Those ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ moments were initially a bit of a pain – but they would prove an awakening. You soon realised that if you used these words – and meant them – people would treat you very differently. They would treat you better. And as the childhood years passed, you’d hear grown-ups comment on manners. Teachers, friends’ parents, relatives… they’d all comment when someone had good manners… and they’d more than comment when people’s manners were bad. As a listening, learning youngster, it was an easy decision. Good manners improved the way people behaved toward you. Would it be the same when we grew up?

My career started at 18 with officer training in the military. It was a wake up call. Each time they heard me being too well mannered to be an officer, I’d have to “get down and boogie”. This was their way of saying “Do press-ups!”. In week 1, it was 10 press-ups; in week 4, it was 40 press-ups and so on. In week 15 I made the mistake of saying ‘thank you’ one last time. And as I started my 150 press-ups, our Flight Sergeant explained: “Cattell, manners are for people who want to be decent and polite. You’re an officer – you don’t need to be decent. If you want to let people know how you want them to behave toward you, give them a bloody order. And let them know how much s**t they’ll get if they don’t do as you tell them. Manners are for little girls to stop them behaving like princesses when they’re older.” So with arms burning and the sweat pouring, I decided to hide my manners. But he was wrong, wasn’t he?

Manners weren’t just about politeness were they? After all, politeness alone creates distance and non-connection between people. Politeness is simply about words. Manners are more than just politeness. Despite the press-ups, why did manners still feel so important?

Austria started to unlock the answer.

“You British are always saying sorry.” was hurled at me after a lesson one morning. I’d been working in Vienna for some time. My job was to teach British-English to female Austrian trainee-teachers. Not just the words and sounds, but also the behaviours, the way we react, the way we British respond to emotions, the way we behave in relationships – and how we react to the way others communicate. The students were fascinated. But they didn’t like the ‘sorry?’ we say when we’re asking someone to say something a bit louder. They didn’t like the ‘sorry’ we say as we smile when squeezing past our friends in a tight corridor. And they didn’t like the ‘thank you’ we say when someone completes what we have a ‘right’ to expect them to complete. But every bit of respect and appreciation came my way from these fantastic Austrians. They just used words differently. When hearing British manners-words, they sensed subservience, servility and unwanted movement of interpersonal hierarchy. But that’s not what was meant. So what role do our words actually play? How do people often hear something other than what we meant to say?

And years later, as part of my investigation of MI6, I was completing an interview with the Head of Austria’s Intelligence Service when it came out in German. “Herr Cattell, I’ve often thought that words are in themselves actually quite worthless. Words are purely the human attempt to express our reaction to what’s happening inside and around us. It’s the subtleties of people’s behaviours that really matter. Behaviours are the most telling language - they show us where people truly stand. And these subtleties can be so subtle that we’re often too busy listening to see.”

These days, there’s a woman I know. She’s bright. She’s very bright. And she used to tell me off for saying thank you whenever she helped me with something. What wasn’t she hearing? What was she hearing? And one morning, she came out with it. “Look, we’re both intuitive creatures, right? Believe me Jonathan, I sense you. Your energy is saying everything you have to say. You don’t need the words”. I decided not to thank her.

So on Friday, as this attractive stranger walked up to me in a DIY store and smiled, I sensed it. She didn’t work there, she was a fellow customer. Her smile broadened, but she wasn’t flirting, it was something else. There was a passion and energy about the person for something - something she quickly explained. “Excuse me, you look like a man who’s looking for a certain colour of paint but can’t find what you and your wife really need.” Was I that obvious? “Let me help.” And as she sought one sample after another, blended one colour with another and roped a shop assistant in to help us, she explained. “I’m a designer and I’m really good with colours. I get them and I love them. This week, I’ve had enough of the news. And I’m going to paint canvass all weekend to let the world know how much I really appreciate everything around us. I want to let the people of the world know how beautiful I find them. Life doesn’t last very long, so why wait?”. And after a minute or so, she’d somehow mixed just the colour my wife and I were after. And she smiled. Then spoke again. “It’s lovely helping you. But I can sense that you want to thank me. Please don’t. Seeing you struggle and knowing someone’s world is easier today because of me has made my day. I hope you and your wife love your room once the painting’s done.” And with another smile, she was gone, with the young male shop assistant staring appreciatively as she walked.

People’s manners are indeed an attempt to express what we’re trying to say. But we can do it so much more powerfully when we go beyond words. What’s truly powerful is when our behaviour speaks our manners. In each moment that we instinctively 'behave' our manners rather than simply speaking them, we send someone the purest message. That message is this: “I see you. I see who you are. I see what you’ve done. I see the difference you’ve made. I see that you didn’t have to do it. And I see that you made a choice to do it. I see the difference you’ve made to me and my reality. I see you. And I want you to see how I see you”. All this takes only a tenth of a second. And when our behaviours toward each other, the way we treat other, the way we regard each other, the opportunities we create for each other, and all the things we do with- and for those around us speak loud and clear, the energy of the world changes. We make realities that bit better. So let’s not just ‘use’ manners, let’s ‘be’ manners. When we do, the colour of the rooms in our lives shines so much brighter.

Thank you. :-)

Jonathan

'professional' Pandora's box

Ever wondered what happens to people when they dump the ‘professional’ façade? Ever wondered what would happen to you?

In the last week or so, I have had the pleasure to begin coaching a couple of new clients in senior leadership roles. I love starting to work with someone new. Being excited about what the opportunity might hold for them, curious about how the relationship will evolve and open to whatever might need to happen for them. It is such a lovely feeling when you see someone start to make big realisations and to see that there are whole sides to them that they have kept hidden, not explored or not even really been aware of.  And working with people in the way we do, it has become so crystal clear to me… being ‘professional’ has a lot to answer for!

As a coach and working energetically with people, you never really know what is going to happen when you coach someone or where the real learning and shifts will come from. It always intrigues me (and slightly amuses me it must be said) that we go through a process of meeting up with the manager of the person to be coached, agreeing objectives and trying to make sure that everyone in the business is clear about what the coaching shall achieve. Of course, this is an important part of the process – it unlocks some good honesty in people and it creates a sense of direction. However, when the coaching actually starts, what is written down on the piece of paper is so rarely the true underlying issue or purest potential. It is only when you get to that deeper level of potential with people that things really start to change. And, thankfully, when you work with people at this level, all of the originally-stated objectives are achieved anyway!

The other thing I notice is how often common themes emerge in the people I‘m coaching. I don’t look for this or consciously attract it to me but I notice that the people who want to work with me often have common themes, and these themes also often relate to areas that I happen to be passionate about. Perhaps this is part of the Law of Attraction at work. I attract people to me who, at some level, feel my passion for the individual, individual expression and working at a deeper level of awareness and consciousness.

So, the common theme I was noticing last week was about the ways in which people choose to be ‘professional’ - and the impact that this has on people and their leadership style. We may assume that it is natural to want to be seen as professional, after all most people want to be taken seriously at work don’t they? We want our colleagues to listen to us and respect us, to take on board what we say and for us to present a sense of ‘gravitas’. It all makes sense on a logical level. However, the impact of all this is actually quite different.

What being ‘professional’ often actually translates to is conforming, being logical and sensible, taking very few risks and presenting ourselves in a way that we judge (assume) is acceptable to others. It also often means that we present quite a one-sided version of ourselves. There are so many times when I start to coach people and I see all these wonderful, amazing sides of them that I just know that their colleagues don’t see! What a shame that in the place and doing the activity where we spend most of our time, people often don’t get to see what is uniquely remarkable about who we are.

The irony is that often when people are being ‘professional’, their intention is to project a sense of leadership and gravitas. To get others to follow them. Logically, it all makes sense. However, the actual impact is actually often too logical and flat. What it misses is inspiration, true leadership and the power and energy that true leaders have. To lead in this way can feel like it has some vulnerability and risk in allowing other people to really see who you are. And yet, when you do it, you realise that it is more powerful than you could have imagined and you feel a lot less vulnerable than when you are presenting a façade and keeping parts of you hidden.

I learnt this lesson in one of my last full time corporate jobs years ago. I worked for a company where the majority of people seemed very different from me. I was much more emotional, strategic and intuitive by nature whereas the culture was very logical, practical and short term. And, so what did I do? I tried to fit in. But it was tough and I felt at some level that I wasn’t being me, wasn’t as good as people thought I was and would get ‘found out’ at some point. The turning point came when I made the decision that I would leave and set up my own business. I was still at the business for about a year after the decision was made but, because I knew my long term future wasn’t there, I took the shackles off. I suddenly felt able to be me – even down to the way I dressed and how I behaved. And, guess what? They loved it! I was probably even more successful and happier in that last year than at any other time at that company, and what I realised was that I could have done that at any time. I’d always just told myself I couldn’t and that it wouldn’t be ok.

So, my challenge to anyone reading this this week? Show yourself and your colleagues who you really are! Drop any professional façade and trust in yourself and others that when you are truly you, you can’t help but be more powerful and a better leader. And, you’ll have a lot more fun along the way too! Thank you to my wonderful clients too for demonstrating to me how amazing we all are at our core and allowing me to witness what they are capable of. I feel truly honoured and blessed to do this very special work.

Go on... enjoy showing yourself this week. :-)

Lisa. X

Who dares stand?

In the last week or so our country seems to have been gripped by a new challenge of morality - the News International scandal. Perhaps it’s seeing wayward leadership being brought down to size or the revulsion many have felt at the phone tapping not just of celebrities but of soldiers and victims such as Millie Dowler. The question that has been buzzing around me is – How can this happen in an organisation? What makes it ‘ok’ to behave in a way that only in hindsight becomes 'wrong'? And, how can individuals guard against it?

Every organisation has its culture of course and, as human beings, it’s tricky not to be influenced by the culture around us. We join a company and we notice how other people behave, what gets recognised and rewarded and who seems to be moving onwards and upwards. And, somewhere in us, consciously or unconsciously, we start to take on these behaviours and to adapt to the environment around us. All this is well and good of course, we are used to adapting to different situations and to finding out and exploring what works for us and others, it would be wrong for us to exist in our own little vacuum and to just carry on with our behaviours regardless of impact. You see this instinct even in very young children. They say something or behave in a certain way and then notice the response. If it is positive, it fires them up to do more. All well and good.

However, there is another side to all of this great adapting. What happens when there is something that is not so positive in the culture? When it is slightly aggressive, dismissive or steps over some moral or legal line? Who is the one who has the courage to challenge even when their view isn’t the norm or acceptable? The courage to say what is right and wrong? Years ago, I met someone socially who worked for a big airline. He was telling me that they were cracking down on airline crew taking home bottles of alcohol and other ‘freebies’ from the plane. Apparently, it was actually illegal for people to do this but it had just become the norm. So, at the end of a flight, everyone would take a bottle home and think nothing of it. After all, everyone did it. So, if someone new joined, they would be told that it was ok and so the behaviour and the culture continued. Apparently, when the company started to crack down and reinforce to people that this was actually theft, the people concerned were shocked. That wasn’t their intention at all. They were just doing what everyone else did, in their minds it had almost become part of their remuneration package.  It set me thinking about how much this group behaviour and group think pervades in other organisations and the dangers this causes.

So, how do we as individuals in organisations or businesses guard against this kind of dangerous norming and ‘group think’? For me, it feels like there are two things that businesses need to encourage and individuals need to do that really make the difference.

1. The courage to be a ‘champion’. When Genergy works in organisations that want a change of culture, we are often looking for what we call ‘champions’. People who are fired up about the future, new, positive way of doing things - and who are prepared to really stand at the forefront of something and give it a go, not just sit and wait for it to come from the top or for someone else to create a place of acceptable safety first. Recently I was running a big project with a large insurance company. One of the businesses within this company has a very risk averse, task driven, controlling culture. There is a new MD there who is trying to create change and has a very ‘coaching style’ of leading and managing - but the old culture still very much pervades. We have heard a lot of people say that they can’t do things differently because ‘the culture won’t let them’ or that things need to change at their boss’s level first. They are just too afraid to be the ones who put their heads above the parapet. And, within this environment, we have met some truly remarkable people. One individual really impressed me. This guy was a very technical expert. He was quiet and reflective and really didn’t make that much of an impression in the group at the beginning.

However, as the first day went on, you could see that light bulbs were going on for him and he was beginning to see a very different way that he could manage and lead his people. He left the 2 day programme really fired up and he had inspired me in the way that he had stepped out of his comfort zone and really gone for everything that we were teaching him. This particular programme had a follow up day about six weeks later where we met the delegates again and talked to them about what had changed as well as teaching them some new skills. I’d already heard some really good feedback about this guy through the grapevine. Comments like – ‘x is like a man possessed’ and ‘what did you do to him?!” where commonplace. So, in the first part of the day, we got the delegates into groups to share their successes. This guy went into a group and everyone started talking about how busy they were and the culture and how hard it was to change anything.

And, I observed… to see what would happen. 

Suddenly, this man started to speak and there was total silence as he did so. Quietly and calmly but with total passion, he told the group about everything he had changed and done since the last time they had met and the results that he had had. In the nicest possible way, he challenged them about this thing called ‘culture’ and made them see that it was really a white elephant and that they had within their power to make happen whatever they wanted to happen. As I watched, I couldn’t help but smile. Some of the other guys there were stronger, more forceful characters on the surface and usually would take up much more of the airspace but you could have heard a pin drop as they realised that there was so much more within their control and power than they were allowing themselves to see. A beautiful moment.

        2.  Retaining your own internal radar and individuality. They say that children know the difference between right and wrong very early. We have an internal sense of what feels right, regardless of what is happening or seems to be ok around us. Often it is just a nagging feeling, a feeling in the gut or a sense of unease. And, we put it to one side because the majority seems to be against it or we might look foolish or we think that it might even affect our career prospects. And, yet, it is this individuality that not only keeps a business on track but also provides the creative fuel that is so important to a business’ ongoing success.

I saw a lovely example of this on You Tube recently. It was a clip from Innocent smoothies about a man who chooses to stand rather than sit whilst everyone else sits around him. A nice metaphor I thought for those who choose to stand apart because it feels right and that it then brings in a different, challenging energy to the business. See what you think. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hga4WLqgEtE.

You don’t have to be a maverick to be true to yourself and to take a stand. It’s easy to blame the people at the top (and they do have an overall responsibility), but a business and culture is made up of lots of people just like you. You just have to be tuned into your own internal belief system, to notice those ‘niggles’ when things aren’t right and to have the courage to stand up and be counted. I don’t honestly believe that most businesses want a whole load of corporate clones working for them, and when individuals are allowed truly express who they are, it releases a sense of rightness and a creative energy that will fire up those businesses to really be great in the future.

What could be better in your business today if you just took a moment... to stand up?

Lisa x